Monday, July 16, 2007

i beg your pardon, i never promised you a rose garden

LOL! I love this....

Hott damn. Seems FHB is goin'a visitin' and Mushy asked for my phone number so they can harass me while intoxicated. If I know Mushy, I'm guessing he'll gather a LIST of people to harass while intoxicated. Ya know, I'm thinking SEPARATELY they're probably pistols, but TOGETHER?! I know I should probably be worried, but I gave him my number: 1-900-hott-sex. Hell, if they want to talk to me, they can pay the $1.99 a minute just like everybody else I know.

Every time we talk about the "good old days" when Mr. G used to "run roughshod" over his rinkydink town, he tells me this one story. Boys will be boys I guess, but I fail to see why this is sooooo damn funny. I've probably told it before. I hear it so many times, I can't remember if I wanted to mention it or if I did. Remember when cars were fun and you could fit three people in the front seat? (Made the drive-in interesting.) Three guys would sit in the front seat--I'm assuming because none of them was pussy enough to sit in the back by himself.
(Ok, I didn't know that, my husband told me that. Another weird "boys thing" I didn't know.) When they'd see someone from school they knew, the passenger on the end would duck down quickly and reach over and honk the horn. To the person on the street it looked like the driver was cuddling up next to the passenger, thus making them "gay". My husband is 58 and this story STILL makes him laugh every damn time he tells it. He said it's the "pure genius of it all." Uh huh. You stick with that line, honey. He loves this story almost as much as the one about where they'd play "King of the Hill" and the loser got pushed into a pile of pinching ants or into the sewer ditch. Gawd, boys are sadistic:) Give me a compact and a purse and you've got a great game of Girl From U.N.C.L.E on your hands. And solving crime is so much more fun!

What's the difference between a plastic grocery bag and Michael Jackson?
One is made of plastic and dangerous to children. The other is a plastic grocery bag.

I spent last night watching tv with the little red headed kid. (Yes, Goddess has a ginger kid.) Male Offspring #7, I think. I gotta stop calling him "Hey, you, the little red headed one. Yeah, you." I think it's damaging his self-esteem.
(Do 5 or 6 year olds have self-esteem?) Damn, I wish I could remember his name. I recall that when he was born, I decided to name him after a famous red head, so that I would never forget his name. I wanted the name to be unique, as well as memorable. There aren't that many famous gingers, so let's see. Lucille Ball? Nope, didn't name him Ball, although it would have made for a hell of a great name. Molly Ringwald? No, Ringwald is too close to ringworm. Prince Harry? Nope, didn't name him Prince. While Bozo sounds like a cool name it wasn't that, either. Who's left? Opie? No. Oh, wait. THAT'S IT!! I named him Ron after Ron Howard. How could I have forgotten a famous name like that?

And now, just because I can't stop singing it in my head...

11 comments:

Fathairybastard said...

Aw, you don't have anything to worry about. We'll probably be too loaded to dial the number correctly. But if you feel inspired, come out and park on the side of 81 (or 11, or whatever) as I head north to Williamsport on the 26th and wave. I won't take pictures. Promise.

And the thing about 3 guys in a truck... Brilliant! I'd love to see that.

*Goddess* said...

Hmm, Wmsport? The only thing they have going on is the Little League World Series. Please tell me you're not driving all the way up there for that?

Brilliant, huh? So it IS a guy thing....

Fathairybastard said...

No, shit no. My cousin lives there. Like my big brother, fishing buddy. He's regional director of the state environmental thingy. Three days of fishing and whatever, then I jet back down to Mushy's for three or four days. Gonna be a blast!

*Goddess* said...

Phew! Thank goodness it wasn't the little league thing.

Too bad Bruno isn't wild about company....I'm just imagining the THREE of you guys together. LOL!

Fathairybastard said...

Yep, that'd be cool too, but we'd probably all end up getting arrested, and I'm too pretty to go to jail. Some sort of armed standoff with the ATF over me bringin' too much beer back to Mushy from PA. Cool vid by the way. Loved that tune back in the day. Saw her sing that at a rodeo in Ft Worth once, in the '70s. Damn, she was hot! Or so I thought at the time.

*Goddess* said...

Yeah, well, I thought she was pretty too, once. Google her now and her arrest picture comes up. It AIN'T purdy. What shocked me was that she had been arrested multiple times!

Fathairybastard said...

And ya know, white folks should NEVER ever be allowed to dance. Just wrong.

Fathairybastard said...

Damn, really? Oh man, another celeb meth head?

*Goddess* said...

No, that was one crime she didn't commit. Battery, resisting arrest, shoplifting, and DUI.

Fathairybastard said...

Wow, that's like the white trash olympics. How'd she keep from getting on COPs?

*Goddess* said...

LOL! Would we have recognized her if she was? Unless she broke into song, I know I wouldn't have known her.