Sunday, July 29, 2007

honk if you love to be humiliated

Saturday I came home from work to find a package had arrived for me in the mail. After showing all the offspring and dancing to the tune of 'hahahhaha...somebody loves ME and not YOU...hahahahaaaaa," I opened the box. Good freaking grief. My aunt is nuts. She sent me a boxful of new clothes for those stupid geese. Check 'em out.

We have the Halloween outfit

We have the scarecrow outfit...I guess to scare off all the crows from my stoop. HUGE problem here in da court...

We have the baseball outfits, in case I decide to carry them to the stadium with me...

We have the golfing outfits, because we all know that if there's one thing geese love, it's a good game of golf...

And then THEE MOST FRIGHTENING goose outfit of all...I give you, the cammo goose. Fuck those magnetic car ribbons. Nothing says "I support our troops" like two geese dressed in military outfits!!! I bet you'll even find them on the front stoop of the White House!

Because my mama raised me up right, I sent my aunt a thank you note: "Dear Aunt Kay, thanks so
much for the geese outfits and for making me the laughingstock of the trailer court. May I just say that is not an easy job........."

When did my Sunday comics turn into mini soap operas?! I read the comics to LAUGH, damn it. For Better or For Worse is total drama and boring bullshit. Cathy can't obsess about her weight any more if she tried. And what the hell is up with that damn Funky Winkerbean that they dropped into our paper recently? Please I know that if you cartoonists put your mind to it, you can make these comics way more depressing than they already are!!

Some of my friends told me about what good results they got from putting a tsp. of sea salt in their drinking water. (tsp per gallon) So I decided to try it.
Damn. It was like drinking an enema. So I cut it down to 1/2 tsp per gallon. Yuck. It is definitely an acquired taste. It makes my stomach feel odd.
Not nauseated, but it just feels weird.

Hmm, I know infomercials always toss in extras, but the ad for the razor that throws in a Chef's knife is a bit odd. What I found funny was the offer for the razor that "lasts a lifetime" is buy one, get one free. If you only have one face and one lifetime, why do you need two razors?


bugs said...

The geese costumes are hysterical! I didn't know they made those anymore; my grandmother used to dress up her goose back in the 80's, usually in a Laura Ingalls type get-up.

Did they offer a winter Navy uniform, too?

*Goddess* said...

What's wrong with you?! You can't leave your geese out in the winter! They'll freee! Although she did send me a really nice winter skater themed outfit.....sigh. She can't sew for the offspring, but she wastes money on this bullshit. LOL!

Mushy said...

I don't think they'll ever replace my pink flamingos!

Shrink Wrapped Scream said...

Ha! I just love a product that has total faith in itself, don't you? Maybe the offer is only for the two-faced folk out there??