Thursday, July 19, 2007

cum on feel the noise

Jon Stewart was interviewing Matt Groening about The Simpsons movie and he mentioned something never thought about. If you watch the show, you know that they married after Homer knocked up Marge in high school. Yet Bart is 10 and Homer is 38.....

Go here and check out the pics in the Country Magazine Photo Contest.
I LOVE #5 where the boy and the dog are sharing a slice of watermelon. It is so cute, and it got my vote.

The guy from the gas company showed up at work on Wednesday to change the meter.
He said, "I'll be turning off the gas now."
I said, "Please make sure it's all turned off. I'm not ready to go KABOOM yet."
He said, "Don't worry. Neither am I."

Female Offspring #1 called me into the living room yesterday and pointed to a picture of some cattle wearing bright yellow electronic ear tags.
She asked me what it was, and before I had a chance to explain what the tags are used for, Male Offspring #2 chimes up and says, "They're price tags, ya dummy! That's why they have numbers on them. Don't you know anything?"
The sad thing is he was serious.

Day Two of heat and humidity in PA.
How I miss my illegal alien lawnboy Manuel on days like these. When I finished exercising, he would lick the sweat from my breasts.
Hey, don't judge me! It was included in his deluxe "lawn care package".
I had to pay an extra $5 a month for that service!

My "goose for all seasons" aunt is visiting this week. I had forgotten how funny she is. She's very superstitious of speaking ill of the dead, but that doesn't stop her from doing it. She thinks it's ok as long as you add "may he rest in peace" after your comment. So she was talking about my cousin's late ex-husband, and she said, "You don't know how many nights I prayed his penis would fall off!
He cheated on Deb left and right, that scumbag, that filthy piece of trash, may he rest in peace."
LOL! I thought that was extremely hilarious.

Damn it. It's like my favorite reality show, My Life on the D List, no sooner gets started and it's over. The season finale is set for this coming Tuesday already.
Does Kathy do like five shows a season or what? Speaking of my favorite reality show, CONGRATS to Kathy for being nominated for her 2nd Emmy in the Outstanding Reality Programming category. I hope she wins this year. It's comical to me that she's not allowed to do the red carpet reporting but she's nominated.
You can tell the quality of mainstream tv is low by the number of nominations
Two and A Half Men received. Ugh. That show blows. I don't understand how it stays on the air.

Wouldn't you have liked to have been the arresting officer in this case?

If you're going to build a "secret" lair for having sex with 'tutes and using drugs,
have the smarts to pay the damn builders. They're a bitter bunch.

2 comments:

Mushy said...

Always so many places one could start commenting, but for the sake of time I'll start with Homer.

The MOFO is so dumb it probably took him that long to get out of school.

Fathairybastard said...

that old man was just showin' off. Shameful! Bet he's a hit at the old folks home.