The offspring are accusing me of gnoshing on my chewable calcium tablets as if they were candy. I can't help it. The damn things taste just like Smarties. I always buy a liquid calcium/magnesium softgel, but I couldn't find any when I went shopping, so I was forced to buy the chewable ones, which I dislike because I think the sugar negates the health benefits. Lord knows I've eaten my share of Smarties in life, but at a time when I'm trying NOT to eat sugar, these certainly don't help matters. Speaking of Smarties, here are some of my favorite candies from when I was a kid, because I know you're DYING to know this about me: the aforementioned Smarties, Flying Saucers (they taste like communion wafers with candy beads inside), Atomic Fireballs and Jawbreakers, (they helped fuel my love of sucking on things...), Kits and MaryJanes, Nigger Babies (hey, I didn't name 'em), Fizzies, Sugar Babies (no relation to the nigger babies) and Necco Wafers (also used as Communion when we "played" "church"). Geez, you can tell I grew up Catholic. BTW, you can still buy a lot of these old candies at The Vermont Country Store. They even have Beeman's, Blackjack and Clove gum!
Speaking of the offspring, I can't WAIT for school to start.
Once again, they've stolen Male Offspring #6's beloved ball o'twine and his pictures of the world's largest Ball of Twine in Cawker City.
I solved his problem by telling them that the first person to return the items would NOT get an ass kicking. My offspring are nothing if not disloyal to each other.
We go through this every few days. They get bored and they start picking on one another. Just last week someone stole Female Offspring #4's Bedazzler and Bedazzled all the underwear in the trailer. And let me tell ya, the guys were NOT happy about to find their "flaps" had been Bedazzled shut.
Sensing a retaliation, I immediately hid all the label makers in the vicinity. That's all I need. Bedazzled underwear with 56 labels all reading "underwear" on them.
Female Offspring #1 has taken an internship in another city and she's temporarily staying with a friend of a friend. Trying to quell the "mother fear" in the pit of my stomach when I found out the "friend" was a guy, I oh, so casually said, "So what do you know about this guy?" She said, "Don't worry, Mom. He's short and scrawny and I could definitely take him in a fight." It's like she read my mind.