Friday, June 08, 2007

welcome to the real world she said to me condescendingly

My dad asked me to stop at the candy store near work and buy him a box of peanut butter cups last night. Normally, any trip shopping for me is like sex: in, out and very little fiddling in between. But not yesterday. There was some chick in the store ahead of me buying five pounds of nonparelis in one pound boxes. First of all, who BUYS nonparelis at the candy store?
Buy them at the freaking grocery store in the boxes clearly marked "Sno Caps" and put them in 50 cent candy boxes. Ugh. The candy chick is taking the nonparelis out of the box ONE PIECE AT A TIME, and in the meantime, the customer starts ranting about teachers and how they're overpaid. No matter how pissed I was at the wait, I do think teachers in our area are overpaid, so I shamelessly eavesdropped. [$25k is a good salary in my school district and most teachers are making $34k and up. And I know this cuz some intrepid reporter, who obviously is as sick about hearing about this subject as I am, posted the salaries of teachers in the various school districts.] Anyway, nonpareil chick goes into the usual spiel: "they only work about 185 days a year and they get their summers off. Then she said something that almost caused me to burst out laughing. She said, "And they get their summers off. I never get a break from my kids."
Hellllllll-O? They're YOUR kids. Nobody forced you to have them. If you want a break, pay a damn babysitter. Or have enough kids so that you have free babysitters, like the rest of us.

I'm officially going on record as saying I think John O'Hurley should replace Bob Barker on The Price is Right. Not that I give a rat's ass, but I feel I should take a stand. Mario Lopez? Oh, PUHLEEZE.

Brian Regan: "First of all, Dora the Explorer? Did the creators think that rhymed?
Maybe in the Kennedy household. Dora thee uh Explora."
He is so funny.

I don't get why people are so gaga about these Forever Stamps? One guy even bought $8000 worth! In my mind, the ONLY time Forever Stamps are going to be a good investment is if you buy them right before the price of stamps go up. And if the post office is operating then, the way it is now, I'm sure they'll be "all out" of Forever Stamps at that time.
The Postal Regulatory Commission has suggested a limit be placed on how many Forever Stamps a person can buy, but that limit hasn't been set yet. My guess is it'll be set riiiiight before the price of stamps goes up again. I read that the price of stamps has gone up 13 times since 1974, which means about every three years. Any stamps I buy now will LONG be used up. One website suggested using online bill paying "because it's free." I beg to differ. I forgot to mail my credit card bill and I didn't want to be late with it because now when you're late with ONE credit card, they raise the rates on ALL your credit cards, even if they're held by different banks. What a bunch of shit. Anywho, it cost me $25 bucks to pay that damn thing online. There should be NO fee. The credit card company didn't lift a damn finger for me to pay that bill online and yet they're making $25 PURE PROFIT. In my next lifetime, I want to come back as a banker where I can steal people's money via perfectly legal "fuckover fees."Maybe it's just me, but in a world where gas is over $3 a gallon and bing cherries are $6 a pound, I don't think 41¢ is that high of a price to pay to mail a first class letter.

Apparently they've found a new handwritten memo from Abraham Lincoln dated
July 7th 1863, in which Lincoln wants Meade to go after Robert E. Lee and destroy the Confederate army, saying it would put an early end to the war. I saw that note and that's not what I got out of it at all. This is what I read: "Now if General Meade can complete his work so gloriously prosecuted thus far, by the litteral (sic) or substantial destruction of Lee's army, the rebellion will be over. Lee is quite the handsome young buck, despite his Southern upbringing. Virile, strong and rather studly. Now if you will excuse me, I must take my wife, Mary Todd, to the Lincoln bedroom where I will sex her up whilst thinking of Lee. I mean, I will be thinking about coming out on top of Lee. I mean, our victory, damn it.
Yours truly, A. Lincoln"

3 comments:

BRUNO said...

Online is the ONLY way that I pay, I'll bet, close to 90% of the monthly bills! That, and the auto-pay. USPS has lost so damned many bill-pays for me in the last two years, and caused late fees for them, that I don't use the mail anymore than necessary now!

I have yet to be charged a service fee for online pay. As long as I used THEIR suggested payment services. True, some like AT&T, and most credit companies WILL NOT offer FREE on-line pay, IF you use something like PAY-PAL, or some service similar to that. Now, if it's a RUSH payment, then yep, like Jerry Reed said: "They got the gold mine, and I got the SHAFT"...!

*Goddess* said...

Nope. I logged onto their site, FuckMeChase, that is, and they charged me the $25 fee. SUPPOSEDLY, Congress is going to make this fee illegal, but I'm guessing that will only happen after they've drained several million people first.

Ron Southern said...

You don't have to get "sic" over Lincoln's spelling, as bad as it may be. I've read a lot of history and seen many quoted letters that would freak out a modern 13 year old. I wasn't surprised that other people misspelled wildly, but when I saw that Thomas Jefferson also did so, I was shovelling shit out of my britches. The historians explain that part of the problem was that there was no standardized American English back then. So spelling was sort of a jazz solo.