Tuesday, June 19, 2007

take another little piece of my heart now baby

I came home from work early today and there was a line of kids from my
front stoop to the driveway, all holding a five dollar bill in their hands.
When I pushed my way into the trailer, I saw Male Offspring #1 holding a fistful of dollahs and some JACKASS popping wheelies in the living room on MY beloved Hoveround.
Turns out sumdumson has found a way to make a quick buck without having to get himself a J.O.B.........which is more than I can say for myself. Mutter, mutter.
But he WILL pay for defiling my sweet, sweet Hoveround.

Since my boss is in the hospital again, I think now might be a good time to switch careers. I think I might become a fortune teller like Mrs. Grace.
She conned thousands from people simply by telling them she'd crush the curse that was on them. She used the old bloody egg scam to convince people they had a curse on them and then PRESTO! for a mere thousands of dollars, Mrs. Grace made the curse go away. One woman gave her 160k AND property in the course of a year. Hell, I could use property, and I'm certainly more than willing to crush curses to get some.
Or maybe I could become a hooker. Lord knows attractiveness has nothing to do with it. Hey, I watch COPS, I KNOW attractiveness has nothing to do with it.


Mushy said...

Now's the time to make that power play at work and take over his position and boot "overtime hawg!"

Cease the day!

Did you say hooker - hope your prices are reasonable - I'm on a fixed income.

*Goddess* said...

Overtime Hawg is a woman.

No, I'm not going to be a "cheap" hooker and here's why: chicks on COPS sell blowjobs for like $10. They have to turn like 50 or 60 tricks a DAY to make any $. I'm going to charge $500 a blowjob. The guys will be thinking, "Wow. $500! She must REALLY be good. I have to check this out." Plus, I'll only have to turn ONE trick a day. Ingenious, eh?

Fathairybastard said...

Will you take plastic? Be sure and get an innocuous, innocent looking business labels, and one of those satlaite credit card swiping things, so you can swipe all those cards at the conventions. "Will that be debit or credit sir?"

Actually, I think your son is brilliant! I think it shows he's got a head on his sholders. You should be proud he'd not crying for his allowance.

Fathairybastard said...

I'll have to say though that when you said the little boys were lined up out the door with fists full of money, a whole other scenerio flashed through my head. Oh hell, the boys are cookin' meth, or gettin' sis to lift her dress for a cut. The image flashed, and went away. A dirty mind is a heavy burden.

Fathairybastard said...

Shit! I can't spell worth a damn.