Saturday, May 05, 2007

you either stand or you fall when your will is broken

I love, love, LOVE Nelly Furtado's song "Say It Right." I heard it weeks ago,
but had no idea who sang it or the title. Don't you just hate when that happens?

Note to George Michael: "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me" sucked the first time around. Why punish the world with an even suckier cover? What next? A cover of "American Pie"?

And yet another note to singers: Don't fill your songs with swear words
thinking it'll make you sound "cool". When it hits the airwaves and local
radio stations add in bells and whistles and gasping sounds meant to be erotic
but falling waaaay short, it sounds ridiculous. Case in point, Hollaback Girl.

I heart the way Paris "I'm taking more responsiblity for my life" Hilton is blaming others for the fact that she drove on a suspended license. She said they did not fully explain to her that her license had been suspended. How damn dumb do you have to be that you don't know your license has been suspended? If you're going to lie, at least lie credibly. Incidentally, she showed up to her hearing ten minutes late. Nothing like giving the impression that you're a spoiled, rich brat.
Naturally Paris' lawyer is crying foul
and saying Paris has been singled out because she's a celeb, and the judge is giving her jail time,
whereas others he's known who have driven on a suspended have gone free. Being "singled out" is never a problem for lawyers, though, when their clients are let go because of their celebrity.

I think I have finally figured out a way to make my millions AND know where my offspring are at all times! I am going to create little GPS tracking devices that you can tack onto a child's shirt or pants and sell them at places like DisneyLand, Mall of America and the entrance to the endless pit of balls at Chuck E. Cheese.
(Don't laugh. That place is like a Kiddie Bermuda Triangle. They go in, but they never come out. Hmm, I'll have to look into getting one of those installed at home.)
I'm going to be clever, though. I'm going to design the Kiddie GPSers to look like their favorite cartoon or movie character so the little brats don't ditch them five seconds after they leave the trailer court. Never again will I have to suffer the shame of having the po po knock on my front door and ask me if the little delinquent in question is mine. Geez, you'd think it was a crime to let kids play near the side of the road.

7 comments:

Mushy said...

I figured out how to get my million too, but don't have the stones to really do it.

Since every investment I've made has bombed, I figure a nice letter to Bill Gates explaining my track record and warning him that I'll invest in Microsoft if he doesn't send me a cool million!

Anonymous said...

I read Paris was actually 18 minutes late, then didn't go in the court room till she fixed her face up perfectly. The fucking nerve. And after the verdict, her mother pitched a fit and called the whole proceedings "ridiculous, for all the money we spent on this!" after she asked the prosecutor for his autograph. The fucking nerve!

Gee, I guess we can see where Paris got her genetics AND her sense of entitlement. *snort*

Stacey

*Goddess* said...

Well damn it, Mushy! Your idea sounds better than mine and there's no work involved! If I had money to invest....

Yeah, I heard the mother was laughing about the whole thing to begin with, Stacey, but she wasn't laughing when it was over.

Shrink wrapped scream said...

God girl, you're good - I'd buy a truckload of them! (Hubby and dog first, and all the kids I've once named, but keep forgetting, right down to my purse.)

Can you send me a sample? If that's too difficult, I could always post you on one of my kids, if I can find him, and let you research it on him (are electric shocks optional?).

*Goddess* said...

Wait. You're going to SEND ME ANOTHER KID?! I have so many now I need to come up with little GPSers and you're gonna send me another one? LOL...that's ok.

phaseoutgirl said...

hahahaha! Goddess, you are something! I found my way here through Shrinky... I wish we had kid GPS when mine were small. At least that looks better than the "child leash" some moms attach to their kids when they are at shopping centres. I could not treat my kids like pets! Anyway, to each his own, I guess..

cheers,
Cecilia

*Goddess* said...

I love your first name, Cecilia. It's my mother's middle name and I've always loved it.

Funny you mentioned the halter leashes for kids. My boss was just telling me that she took her 20 mo grandson to the laundrymat. She's in her 70's, so he always gets the best of her. She said, "I put a dog leash around his wrist and he didn't leave my side all day." LOL! Her daughter was fit to be tied, but I'm thinking, "damn if you keep having kids you can't take care of, expect Mom to take care of him the best way she can at her age!"