Thursday, May 31, 2007

yo ho ho and a bucket of bacon grease

Carl writes: "Dear goddess... I too love pork and nearly all pork by-products. Civilization itself rests upon the
consumption of the humble pig. By the way, did you spot the photo of the 1200 lb boar some 11 year old kid shot with a handgun?
The great, all-seeing, mystical Drudge had the photo plastered on his site for a few hours. It was gorgeous and yes, it really
was the four legged variety of swine and not one of your trashy friends. And speaking of pork... there is only one way to
prepare bacon and I will share this with you and you alone because I love you more than the hot little number who
cooked all of Julia Child's recipes in 365 days. In return, I fully expect you to leave your husband and go on the stripper's
circuit selling expensive soft drinks to dirty old men like myself. Don't tell anyone this secret or I will be forced to tell
you there are dead links on your site. Bacon should be deep-fried! Deep-fried bacon and Canadian beer
is better than sex with hookers. Deep-fried bacon and Canadian beer is sublime. Oh God... I think I'll go masturbate. Love and peace sister, Carl "
My Dearest Carl, you had me at "I too love pork"....
But "deep fried," Carl? Come on. I can feel my arteries clogging when I pan fry or --God forbid--nuke the bacon. Besides, when I die in the throes of a screaming orgasm, I want my heart to be "healthy" enough to pass on to a hott cop.

I tried the Mr. Clean sponge today. First of all, I can't help but think this is a dumb idea.
With all the recent press about how sponges transfer dirt and harbor germs, why come out with a sponge now?
Secondly, it's pre-loaded with Mr. Clean I'm guessing, so every time I try to "rinse" it clean, I'm squeezing out more Mr. Clean.
And last but certainly not least, I bought two of these things and BOTH of them ripped in half before I had a chance to use it a second time.
I won't waste my money on this product again.

1 comment:

BRUNO said...

Maybe you got the one designed for washing the CAR!!!

You're right---why come out with a sponge this late in the game? Hell, I still have 4 or 5 pairs of old underwear to use---and 3 tee-shirts for that "second-wipe" effect....!