Wednesday, May 16, 2007

i still don't have the reason and you don't have the time

I can't WAIT for my neighbor to get his stupid garage built. Yesterday I was
hell bent on sleeping in and he had the cement floor poured at 6:30 a.m. I didn't even know there WAS a 6:30 a.m. on your day off. I thought it was illegal. They didn't finish till after 10, so there was no chance of going back to sleep then.

Yesterday I had my first tomato sandwich of the season. Moments later, I promptly informed Mr. G that I'm "sick of tomatoes."
(I enjoy dicking with him....in more ways than one.) Last week he brought home two pints of delicious looking strawberries, and made a point of telling me he bought them just for me. Uh huh. So I took one, ate it and said, "Ok, I'm sick of strawberries now." LOL!
Before I reveal my secret family tomato sandwich recipe, I want you to know I'm NOT trying to compete with Stacey, who keeps posting pics of meals that look like they came straight from the pages of Delicious Food Magazine. (If there were such a thing.) And I'm not competing
with Mushy, either. Despite the fact that he has a whole doggone site devoted to his cooking, as if eating is a daily occurance at his house.
A whole site, Stacey. Just about the cooking.
On to the tomato sandwich recipe: Toast two slices of bread lightly. (Or darkly, as if I give a shit.) Butter and slather with Miracle Whip. Seriously, just like the dog in the commercial, if you don't have MW, forget the whole damn sandwich. Now this next part of the recipe is really important: cut tomato into thin slices. Nothing ruins a tomato sandwich more than some inexperienced jackass trying to cram a whole tomato between two slices of toast. Layer tomato slices onto toast, season with salt and pepper. Slice into four equal triangles cuz that's the way Mom always did it! Eat and repeat until your bellyaches. Trust me, you won't find a culinary masterpiece like that on Stacey's or Mushy's sites.

15 comments:

BRUNO said...

I follow the same recipe, except I leave off the MW, and substitute cheese, bacon, mustard, and sometimes a round of lettuce. Almost as good as sex, especially if the wife's at work! Yes, the key word here is THIN! Slice that 'mater THIN, and layer it on!

*Goddess* said...

LOL! Yes, Bruno, sounds almost like exactly the same sammich;)

Mushy said...

You need to hang on to some of them 'maters...someone's planning on a "blogging fest" at your place this fall!

So I read over at The Silverbacks!

Jason said...

Find a time when your neighbor is sleeping then mow your lawn and scream the lyrics to John Jacob Jinglehimer Smith.

Anonymous said...

oh, you definitely won't find it on my site because i can't eat raw tomatoes anymore. heartburn hell, i tells ya. but i used to love my tomato sammies just like you described. it's the only way my mummy would make them for me.

Anonymous said...

oh, and in canada, we have noise bylaws that prohibt all noises from starting up before 7:30 am. that specifically includes all construction, renos, home improvements and lawn care. car maintenance is even thrown in for good measure, too. you should call your town council to find out what's what and have him slapped with a noise fine if you can. that's ungawdly and extremely rude. what if you had newborns or toddlers who were up all night and you all needed that extra rest? what if he was up sick all night and you did the home renos? how would he feel, the inconsiderate prick!

stacey

*Goddess* said...

Well damn it! The one "recipe" I have that you have and you don't eat them anymore:(

Hmm, up all night with the toddlers? Nah, the neighbors know better. The other offspring take care of the toddlers. I'm too worn out birthin' babies! Mr. G has vowed to get up at 7 a.m. and cut grass. I say, "more power to ya, but make it a day I start work at 7, will ya?"

*Goddess* said...

Here's the really sad thing, Jason. I know the lyrics to that damn song, too....

Fathairybastard said...

WOMAN, pass another samich!

Anonymous said...

Shall I tell you about a few other great sammies I typically like to make instead???? :-)

Stacey

*Goddess* said...

Yes, please, BUT only if they don't outshine my tamter sammich!

Anonymous said...

Well, in that case, no can do. ;-)

Stacey

*Goddess* said...

LOL!

Oh, alright. Show me what ya got;)

Anonymous said...

I gots a whole whack of photos I took tonight as I made dinner. I posted about it on my project blog and included a link to my Flickr account where I uploaded the pix. Check 'em out. I'll work on the sammis tomorrow.

Stacey

*Goddess* said...

Forget that healthy fish! That baked chicken parmesan.......YUMMY!