Saturday, April 28, 2007

it's a typical situation in these typical times


Oooooooooo weeeee, it's gonna be such a GOOD day! I informed Mr. G to pencil me in for sex AND there's two brand new eps of COPS tonight. It doesn't get much better than that.

Repeat after me: "Drugs make me smart."


Yesterday while I was at work watching tv and the offspring were doing my work on "take your sons & daughters to work day",
I heard Female Offspring #7 mutter, "What's so great about this? It's just like every other day at home." Indeed. I fared much better than my gf. She got a speeding ticket from the four year old son of a cop and had a mammogram taken by the six year old daughter of a nurse.

When I got to work yesterday, one of my co-workers began complaining about how Overtime Hawg
scheduled an appointment on the last day of her time off instead of the first day. O.H. was worried she'd have problems at the dentist so she asked me to fill in on Friday. Evidently she caught me in a bored mood because I said 'yes'. So the co-worker was going on and on about how O.H. should schedule her appointments early in the week, so as not to disrupt the schedules. (Truthfully, the only schedule it affected was mine.) In the very next breath, she says to me, "I have a gyne appointment on Tuesday afternoon. Can you work Tuesday night for me?" despite the fact that she's off Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday.
Late yesterday afternoon, O.T. called me and asked me if I would work for her today also because her mouth hurt and--this is where she started the fake crying that she always does-- and she "just didn't know what to do". I said, "Sorry, I can't help you. I won't have a car tomorrow." (Blatant lie, but as usual, I do one favor for her and she wants another one.) "Why don't you call Boss #1? I'm sure she'll work for you."
"Then I'd lose my hours. That's ok. I'll be there."
Now this is what grabs my ass: I sympathize with her mouth pain, but she was talking perfectly fine, and what good does staying home do?

Interesting (and true) police blotter items:
# Assist: An 80-year-old woman calling from the 1400 block of Racine Road dialed 911 because an airline promised her the arrival of her suitcase by 8 a.m. and it did not show up. She said the bag had her medications in it, and when she called the airline the message told her to call 911 in case of an emergency.
# Suspicious situation: A paper carrier reported that on four occasions in the past six months, she had found a vibrator on the back deck of a house in the 1300 block of Geneva Road.
Who knew the paper carriers were paying that much attention?
My paper boy can't even find the paper box and Sherlock Holmes here is finding sex toys. Let that be a lesson to ya to keep your sex toys INside.

South says I'm crazy for thinking my "Dell" laptop battery gets three hours on a charge.
I am sooo pissed at him. Not for the "crazy" comment, I'm used to that. I'm pissed at him for thinking I'd own a DELL!! I'm a Gateway gal all the way, baby!

I like the fact that Jon Stewart is not afraid to show his grey hair. Even though only two years separate them, Stephen Colbert has jet black hair. Sorry, not buying it. I like Stephen, but he needs to embrace his grey. He would look super sexy(ier). His current color looks fakish.
<--Speaking of Stephen, check out his picture on the front of the latest GQ.


I saw an ad for a Superman comic book, and as usual I had to shake my head at the senselessness of it all.
Superman seems like a pretty smart guy, but his friends must be dumb as dirt. All he has to do is slick back his hair and don thick black glasses, and no one recognizes him. The fact that Clark had to TELL Lois he was Superman made me laugh my ass off. How unobservant can ya get? A career as a spy is not in her future.

I loved the Dilbert strip yesterday. The boss said to Tina, the tech writer, "I'm starting my own blog."
Tina: "Dear God, no!"
Boss: "Every day I will record my personal thoughts about our business. I need you to write the first one by noon. I can't wait to see what I'm thinking."

On Oprah yesterday, they were discussing the best place to meet single men over 35. They listed the top 5 cities and I found it interesting that Gayle kept finding fault with everything that was being said. The cities were: San Jose, Salt Lake City (Gayle said there were no black men there), Arlington, TX (Gayle said that the booming tech industry made it sound as if the men were all nerds and geeks), Raleigh, and San Fran. (Gayle was doubtful there were any straight men in San Francisco.)
Steve Santagati was trying to give Gayle and another chick tips on how to meet guys. He says "flirt and ask for help," and Gayle said, "Doesn't it bother you that a woman would ask you for help?" And the dude immediately said "no." He told them not to be on the cell phone when they're in a place like Home Depot. Makes total sense. He also told them not to be afraid to approach a man. Again, Gayle doubted that theory and he proved her wrong. He also told her that anytime she goes out, she should make sure she looks her best. Again, Gayle disagreed. He was saying dress neatly, with a minimal amount of makeup, but to look your best. That does make sense. I'm sensing Gayle doesn't really want a boyfriend because she's sure doing a fine job of talking herself out of it.

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