Saturday, March 17, 2007

wearin' o'the green

Sure and begorah we got a good eight inches of snow yesterday.

I'm seriously thinking about trading Holly in for about six or eight of those small Yorkie dogs. Then I could line them up at the end of the hallway and play "Bowling for Dogs" for hours on end....

OMG!! I was SO PSYCHED when I opened my email this morning. First, I received that
email from Arthur the other day telling me he reads my site, and that was thrilling! A new skimmer!
BUT TODAY I RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM JESUS!! That's right, all you jealous people, JESUS. The One and Only.
I mean, I knew God was reading me--hey, He sees EVERYTHING, ok? But Jesus? No way!!
I was so excited. I mean what was Jesus going to say? "Hey, Goddess, love your stuff!" or
"I can't start off my day without reading your site!" or even
"Pops sure did give you a good sense of humor. Glad to see your using Popsgiven talents."
What about "Great stuff, but less talking about South and more talking about hott cops!"
Because Jesus supports the police!!!
But it turns out that Jesus was just trying to sell me some cheap Viagra.
Shame on Him. He should know I don't have a penis.
Granted, others weren't sure, but Jesus knows I don't have one. Jesus also knows I don't get one very often, but that's another bitch for another post...
It makes me sad to think that Jesus has been reduced to sitting around Heaven
sending out spam. With that whole "rising from the dead" thing, He showed such promise.
If they ever have a "Religious Figures Reality Show" Jesus should consider signing up.
It could be Him, Buddha, Muhammed, Zoroaster, Calvin, Lao Tzu, Martin Luther and Gary "What Chew Talkin' Bout, Willis?" Coleman.
Psssst, guess who will be eliminated in the "Perform a Miracle" competition? Thaaaat's right: Zoaoster. The slacker.


Loving Annie said...

Hmmmmm, Jesus and Viagra. Well, haven't women been known to scream 'oh god, oh god' after their guy has been taking it and doing his job well ?

Snow ??? You had snow again ? Lordy, woman, it was 70 here yesterday. You and hubby need a vacation cottage... Tell him it that or your new stereo/dvd/tv -- and he can choose which one he wants to invest in this year...

Loving Annie said...

typo - it's

Fathairybastard said...

Jesus want's someone in your life to have a stiffie. Always thinkin' about ya.