Sunday, March 18, 2007

thats the beat of a disco

The people who put together our local newspaper are dipshits. Remember I told you about the comic section shakedown? And how they *better not* get rid of my favorite, Get Fuzzy? They ran a poll for a month asking people which comics they read daily. Get Fuzzy WON CONSISTENTLY. So what do they do? They got rid of Get Fuzzy. And yet we STILL have that freaking Rex Morgan, M.D. B. S.

I received a $1 bill with the addy written on the top, so I went to the website and entered the serial number. It started out in Lewisburg Tennessee on July 8, 2005 and landed in PA, traveling some 548 miles in that time. Mine was the only other entry. Mr. G said, "People can make monkey business out of anything!" I said, "Yeah, well, that's why a NEW TV is so vital. To get me off of the internet so much." He said, "You'll just spend all your time taping cop shows." Sigh. Got me there.

Ok, I need to know if I have any skimmers in the following states: Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina,
West Virginia and in case I really get lost, Kentucky and Tennessee? If you live in one of the aforementioned states and you skim my site on a daily basis, lemme know, will ya?
(Extra points if you're a cop...)
If I can find a skimmer in every state between here and Georgia, I won't ever have to stay
at a crappy hotel again when I update for South.
Why oh why didn't I think of this clever scheme before?
I already have Bug's address with me in case I get lost on the way to Pittsburgh....and she's in Ohio...planning to move, but don't worry I have the new address, too.

Speaking of Bugs moving, she writes: "So, you never realize how much shit you have until you move, right? So I go to clean out Buglet's closet and I find his old bedrail, you know the kind that you put on the side of the bed in case one of the kids falls out and conks themselves in the head? Anyway, Buglet is now 6, and he hasn't used this thing in FOREVER, so I decide to get rid of it. It's broken, so out to the ever growing trash pile it goes. (Can you see where this is going?)
Tonight is trash night. I set out the trash: two cans, a bag of lawn shit, some old boards, the recycling bin, and this fucking bedrail. I did this at 6pm. By 6:30, I see a van drive down the street (still light outside) and I thought, no fucking way. They aren't going to stop.
I was fucking wrong. Two women got out and mosy-ed up to the trash pile. The bedrail is right on top and one woman picks up one piece, and the other woman picks up the other, and they look at it like it's a freaking science experiment. Neither one of them looks like they know what they want to do with it. At this point, I just can't help myself. I open the door and say, "Oh guys that things broken." Them: "Oh yeah? Huh." Me:"Yup, that's why it's IN THE TRASH."
Hell-LO?!? Everyone knows the rules of garbage picking. For those that don't, allow me to soapbox for a moment: 1. Don't pick in your own neighborhood. It's kinda tacky. 2. Don't pick while it's still light outside. Duh! Someone might see you. 3. Never ever mosey. Spot something, scope out the possible dog-walkers or other witnesses, put the car in park (never turn the engine off!), and get out, get the treasure, and get the fuck out of there!!!"
I'm going to have to invite you to my area to enjoy the spectacle that is called "Clean Up Days." Every township and borough has them around May. People will put their stuff out two or three days ahead of pick up JUST SO people can rummage through it. Trash pickers have a field day. Not only do they come in broad daylight, but--depending on how "good" your crap is--the cars will be lined four and five DEEP behind them. You'd think it was a freaking garage sale. People aren't the least bit embarrassed about looking in daylight. The only shame comes in IF your stuff ISN'T picked over.
Then the neighbors look at you with pity, as if to say, "wow, your garbage isn't even good enough for people who take any old crap."
Some people even go so far as to SELL the decent stuff.


Mushy said...

Of course you know I live in Tennessee, so come on by and spend the night. I have a private room, but if you sleep on the right side I won't be able to grope you. Don't wait too long though...I'm gaining mobility in my right arm every day!

You and Ms. Mushy can hang out on the screened porch, lounging on her new wicker, while I bring you George and Cokes! Then, we'll all turn in!

Hope to see ya soon...BTW, I make killer pancakes in the morning.

*Goddess* said...

Oooooooooooooo, forget all the rest--except the groping, a gal can never have too many gropings--the pancakes won me over! Thanks!

One more state down, five more to go...come on people, 'fess up!

Anonymous said...

We picked up this little tv today at Costco.

It didn't get great reviews on Amazon, but so far, we like it a lot.


*Goddess* said...

LITTLE?! Smart ass:)
Unfortunately I live in the wilds of PA and we have *no* Costco here...sigh.
Damn. I'll bet the picture is fine on that set!