Tuesday, February 06, 2007

lie back and sleep

Because I hate it when the butter rips my toast apart, I try to soften my butter in the microwave
every morning. I start with ten seconds, then add a second or two each time.
It goes something like this: hard, hard, hard, I could drink it, it's so soupy.

I free efiled my tax returns yesterday, but I think I had a tiny goof.
I hope it doesn't mess me up too much.
I think I added the same interest twice and it was a fairly good amount,
so I'm hoping they catch it. They usually do. Since this was the first time I filled out the form,
I was a little confused by interest and annunities.

Bush said he doesn't have "all the facts" to make a decision about global warming.
Sure. NOW he worries about facts...

I was in the bathroom reading my morning Bible story, and it concerned the parable of the loaves and fishes.
Everytime I read this story, I think, "how come only one dude had the good sense to brown bag it?"

Speaking of the Bible, when I forgot Male Offspring #7 at the drug store yesterday, I was all
prepared to deal with the cop, thanks to those annoying "Bible CD's" Male Offspring #5 bought me.
I could tell the cop was ready to rip me a new one for being so forgetful and I said, "Officer,
I seem to remember another mother, who long ago misplaced her child for THREE DAYS. And He's the Savior of the World!"
Hell, I'm lucky my kids can bathe themselves.

Well, this is lovely. I bought 14k gold ball earrings so that I could put them in my ears and forget about them.
I don't like to fuss with my earrings.
One of the earrings kept bothering me at night when I'd lay on it. I checked it the other day
and discovered that the earring back is IN my earlobe, and I have no idea how to get it out.
I took the earring and tried to push the back out through the back of my earlobe,
but I think I actually dislodged it to somewhere else inside the lobe.
The earring backs are so damn tiny that every time my chiropractor would work on my neck, he'd end up with one or two of them in his hand.
I'm putting salve on it and best case scenario, the hole will heal up with the back inside of it.

Once again the advertising agency that puts out the Happy Cow ads has another winner on it's hands.
This new ad features the cows singing a song to the tune of "Green Acres." It's great.

6 comments:

Mushy said...

The "how come only one dude had the good sense to brown bag it?" line is superb! A true comic gift - you are!

Goddess said...

The whole idea of the loaves and fishes makes me a little queasy. I mean how did they eat it? Slap a fish between two slices of bread and chow down? The mere thought of crunching fish bones makes me ill...

BRUNO said...

Now, I'm not a human doctor here,(I specialize in mechanical bodies!) but I don't think you want that "backing" to heal-up inside your earlobe. Sounds like a ticking time-bomb for a future infection there, to me. Might be worth the price for removal before it decides to infect the ENTIRE ear, girl...

Anonymous said...

Simple solution to the hard butter: grate it. Seriously. Smaller, thinner bits of grated butter will come up to room temperature quite fast and evenly. Grate before you toast, and keep the shavings close to the toaster while the bread's in it. That should do the trick.

Stacey

Goddess said...

Stacey, you are just too damn clever in the kitchen! I'll bet you own your own garlic press, too, don't cha?

I never even THOUGHT about grating the butter, but I can see where it would work rather well, thanks;)

Anonymous said...

Actually, I don't. I cheat. Another kitchen secret: minced garlic in a jar. Shh! Don't tell anyone I don't chop my own. And I tend to smash my garlic with the side of my chef's knife, then drag in across the cutting board to make it softer, too. Again, another kitchen trick of the trade.

Stacey