Thursday, February 15, 2007

i will remember you

I calculated the years yesterday and it's hard for me to believe my younger sister has been gone for eight years now.

I can still recall that awful time as if it were happening now. She had a stroke and began having seizures. I remember the doctors telling us that each seizure caused damage, and the longer they went on, the more bleak the outcome. Her seizures lasted two days, but I knew she was gone long before that time.

I can remember walking into the ICU, and seeing her, and sobbing my heart out. It was nothing that I ever expected to see, and nothing I ever want to witness again. I can remember dreaming of her for weeks and crying in my dreams, feeling that pain in my chest and throat as if I were experiencing it awake. I remember the dreams changing and she would come to me and hug me really hard, and I would get to tell her I loved her one more time. I remember that in my dreams she didn't have Downs Syndrome.

Shortly after she died, I was having lunch at a restaurant with my husband, and a young man with Downs came into the restaurant. I looked at him and my throat started to ache with unshed tears. It was a long time before I could think of her and not cry, think of her and remember all the joy she brought everyone, all the fun things we did together as kids.

I will remember everything you taught me about life and loving and acceptance.
I will remember you.

5 comments:

Mushy said...

Thank you for sharing Goddess - it enriches us all.

The Enforcer said...

Goddess,
Thank you for sharing souch a touching story, your sis sounded like a very special and sweet person. My thoughts are with you.

Loving Annie said...

Goddess,
That's the most anyone can ever want -- to have left such loving memories.
Maybe what you experienced in your dreams as they changed really took place on another level, if you believe in that. I know sometimes I do, and that messsages can indeed be sent and heard...
I am sure as an angel that she still watches over you today...
With compassion,
Annie

Rebecca said...

Thanks, Mushy, Frank and Anne.

Yeah, Anne, I do believe the dreams are more than just dreams. I've had too many of them with loved ones who have passed over to think otherwise.

Ron Southern said...

Sweet post.