Thursday, February 01, 2007

i got the wedding bell blues

February is Black History Month, so today we'll be discussing my favorite black person: the guy who is dating my cousin.
I am always at the top of my mother's (and various aunts) shit list, but because
of this guy, his blackness and my mother's predjuices, my cousin has rocketed right to the top of the shit list. Hell, I was knocked off the list so fast and so hard, my ass is bruised.
**Keeping my fingers crossed they marrrr reeee...**

American dollars at work: the gub'ment spent $40 million to build a new police academy in Iraq that is now falling apart.
Florida spent $90k a MONTH to store ice to be dispensed during hurricanes,
then ended up giving it away and melted the majority of it to refill a lake.

As you well know, Mr. G is not a fan of visitors. Especially visitors of the "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop in without calling" variety." So everytime I buy something with the word "welcome" on it, he has issues with it. I bought a really cute Valentine's Day welcome mat. It was two connecting hearts and it said, "Love WELCOME Here." As soon as he saw it, Mr. G. said, "Ok, that's gotta go. I don't care about the "love" or the "here," it's the "WELCOME" I object to."

Ok, ladies, if you'd like to be noticed by a police officer--and not have to endure the
pain of a ticket or an arrest--here's yet another foolproof method of doing so.
(Remember my first one was loosen the light bulbs in your rear lights?)
Get yourself a MySpace account. Then take videos of yourself in suggestive poses or skimpy lingerie. After all, it's not your brain you want him to see.
Then place said videos on your MySpace under links labeled "My In Home Pharmaceutical Business," or "Illegal Activities I'm Involved in Around Da Hood," or "Click HERE To See How My Marijuana Plants Are Growing In Front of My Mailbox With My Address Clearly Visible."
Yes, apparently it is just that simple.


BRUNO said...

Yeah, every now and then, it's nice to be at "the bottom"! Usually more peaceful down there!

I agree with Mr.G on this one! My very first improvement when I bought my house 21 years ago, was to remove a big limestone rock at the edge of my drive that had "WELCOME!" chiseled into it! Piss on the neighborhood...!

"said" Woman said...

Oh my God! This post was great. In honor of Black History Month may I also give a shout out to the girl my brother is dating....

Goddess said...

Hey, if they marry and have kids, "said" Woman, I'll never see that list again! Wheeeeee! Here's to the rhythm method;)