I thought I had achieved bra nirvana, but now I'm not so sure.
The other day I found a bra that took my gurls, Schequanda and LaWanda, to new heights. Literally.
I was so proud, I found myself walking up to strangers, shoving my breasts in their faces and saying, "Look! Look!
Love, and incredibly strong bra straps have lifted my boobs up where they belong! Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high!"
Ok ok, maybe a good bit of that was in my head.
Last night, I was walking down the hallway and when I looked down to openly
admire my breasts for the 9 millionth time, I noticed the right breast seemed to have a mind of her own.
Instead of standing front and center, LaWanda seemed to be drifiting off in the direction of my right armpit.
And damned if Schequanda didn't seem to be heading towards my left armpit.
What the HELL do Asian boobs look like that my "made in China" bra does this to my breasts?!
So I pointed this out to Mr. G and said, "Do the gurls look strange to you?"
He studied them for a few minutes, didn't miss the opportunity to weigh
them in his hands a few seconds, then said, "Yeah, they do look different. But I like it!"
I see Hilary Clinton has decided to run for President. Frankly, I can't see her winning. Not as long as anything male is running against her.
You know there are some people who automatically assume females can't make tough
decisions and shouldn't be in charge of the country because we're "too emotional."
They figure we'll have one bad PMS episode, call up Kim Jong-il and tell him to go fuck himself. Or we'll find the toilet seat up
in the White House bathroom, and blow up another country. As if that's not a reasonable reaction.
Because of this, some people will vote for anything male. Hell, Snoopy could be running against Hil,
and people would be all, "Oh, hell, no, I'm not voting for Hilary. Haven't you heard? Snoopy's running!
We know he served in WWI. Those Red Baron strips don't lie! Sure he's got that root beer monkey on his back, but I feel confident he can lick that addiction."
Of course, the local media is hanging onto the fact that one of the other candidates, Tom Vilsack was born in Pittsburgh. Every freaking
newstory that runs about him begins with the words, "Former Pittsburgher Tom Vilsack."
It's like the whole gub'ner of Iowa thing never happened.
They act that way all the time in small towns. For instance, Charles Bronson was born in a small town not far from here.
If the cousin of the aunt of the uncle of someone
who once knew someone who knew of Charles Bronson once bought a pierogi
in this city, we'll hear all about it......in an in-depth article.
Dude is installing Direct TV RIGHT THIS MOMENT!!!!