Monday, January 01, 2007

living in america

During his speech at former President Ford's funeral, President
Bush said, "The Fords have four or five children." Good freaking grief.
They're sitting right in front of him. Learn to count, man!
My boss called me in during the funeral and said, "Who's this fat man speaking?" was Kissinger.

OH. MY. GAWD. I just read on the Court TV website that DISH
has dropped the network. I will *SCREAM* if this is true. I watch Court TV more than the major networks!
I'll go into fricking withdrawal if I can only see COPS once a week on FOX!
And then you know who will suffer, right? Yep. You guys will have to suffer through my "I hate DISH" rants.

I watched the Rose Bowl Parade--against my will, of course--but I would *love* to
see one of those floats up close. I just don't think you can appreciate the detail on tv.
One of my favorite floats was one from the City of South Pasadena in which
a huge walrus and several penguins were making a big root beer float. They showed
a scoop of ice cream up close and I realized it was covered with daisies.
You can't distinguish that sort of detail on tv.

Yesterday, Female Offspring #5 begged me to consider taking a cooking class with her.
On the one hand, I do wish she could cook better. On the other, I have a
sinking feeling she's trying to get ME to cook.
That is just so wrong. The course boasted of such recipes as "Hamburger Rice Casserole,"
"Smashed Strawberries over Crispy Sticks," and "Raviloi Stew." What? No boozey
drink to top off the meal and take the edge off of life? Sandra Lee, wherefore art thou?
But we had to forget the entire deal because it said we were required to bring our own apron and oven mitt.
My own apron? Who the hell do they think I am? June Cleaver?
I counter suggested we take the course in cartooning. I can't draw worth a lick,
but I have a good idea for a strip. It's about a woman who lives in a one bedroom,
air condition-less trailer with 16 kids, a bad Lab and two arrogant cats.
It just kinda came to me one night in a dream. I mean, nightmare.

Ever since I read Catherine Ponder's books on prosperity, I make
notecards of my goals and things I want to do/own in the upcoming year.
I make goal poster collages for just about every area of my life, and have them hanging above my computer, but
I carry smaller note sized cards with me to review each day.
Sometimes it has a written goal on it, sometimes the cards have pictures of what I want.
I look at the cards whenever I have time in the day and imagine myself having/using what is pictured on the card.
Last night I found my cards from last year. I only had one picture goal card and that was of a Gateway laptop,
which is what I'm typing this on right now. Going back, I'm amazed
at how many things I've gotten since I started doing this. Lucia Capacchione also
wrote a wonderful book on this subject called "Visioning

I love the commercial for Safe Auto that shows a bunch of ladies at a male strip club.
They're screaming and yelling at the sexy guys and all of a sudden a guy
in his late 70's/early 80's comes out dressed like a stripper.
The announcer says, "Going to extremes to make ends meet?"
Then the guy turns around and bends over, and the chicks give a collective horrified gasp. It's hilarious.

Yesterday when I was watching Beach Patrol in San Diego ON COURT TV(!!),
there was a wounded seal on the beach. It had been
attacked by a shark. They left the poor thing there instead of helping it,
which I don't understand.
It had big chunks of flesh taken out of it's side and it
was just lying on the sand. It was really pitiful to see.


Mushy said...

Tell #5 to check out Mushy's Cookings - she'll be cookin' in no time!

Fathairybastard said...

Not a hell of a lot you can do for a seal that's had big chunks bitten out of it... accept maybe a shot in the head, to end it quicker.

Goddess said...

But they didn't even do that, FHB. They just let it lay there.

Kate said...

i saw that episode yesterday, and it was sad. kept showing close-ups of its split-open side, as if no one saw it the first time.

on a lighter note, did you see the ep where the morons got their sailboat stuck under a bridge? or the one where some guy gets chewed our for trying to take pics WITH A TELEPHOTO LENS of his "girlfriend" on a nude beach? $$ can't buy smarts.

Goddess said...

You're right, Kate, they did keep coming back to the animal time and time again.

The guy with the telephoto lens? Was he the twit on the bluffs? I saw that one. I'm thinking Jr. needed some new pics for his private!