Friday, December 29, 2006

hott in the city

While the offspring are all out combing the trailer court with their
brand spanking new metal detectors, I shall take a moment to update...

I am so disappointed. I had Female Offspring #1 drive me to the site of the best
redneck Christmas decoration EVER and they had already taken it down. DAMN!!
Remember the place I told you about last year where they had Jesus, Mary and Joseph next to a burned out Chevy?
Well, this year they had Jesus, Mary and Joseph slapped on a wooden hitch. Next to them
was a snowman and behind them were rusty outdoor ornaments from last year.
And ALL of this was behind a chain link fence once again. In front of the fence were about ten garbage bags.

Speaking of the Saintly Trio, ever since I put my Nativity set up, I keep finding the sheep
and one of the Wisemen in weird, compromising positions.
And I find my snow women naked on the fridge every morning.
This is why I can't have nice things, people! Or visitors...

What is WRONG with me?! I am hooked on that stupid "Waterloo" song by Abba. Ugh!!
And here's the kicker--this is not the first time I've been hooked on that song.
Quick! Somebody jam a bamboo shoot under my fingernail so I can feel good again.
At least it's not as bad as the time I was hooked on "YMCA" and I walked around the trailer
making all the hand/arm motions as I sang. Sigh.

I am so thrilled because I bought myself a cinnamon broom. I *heart* cinnamon and
the scent of cinnamon candles usually doesn't last.
I saw (and smelled;) these brooms last year at Dollar Gen, but I didn't buy one.
They sell for $10.75 on Wiccan Way, and I paid $2 for the exact same broom at Dollar General.
I love the smell so much I bought another one to hang in the kitchen
because you'll notice on the site it says it's used to "ward off negative influences" aka my cooking skills.
The brooms are made by this company, and if you love cinnamon, trust me, you'll love to have these in your home or car.

I love when sitcoms have all the characters retell an event that happened earlier from their own viewpoints.
I was watching NewsRadio yesterday in which Catherine called a staff meeting and announced she was quitting.
Mr. James wanted to know what happened, so each employee told him their version. Bill's was hilarious.
In it, Catherine came onto him and threw herself at him after saying she was leaving. As he
was telling it, Mr. James interrupted and said, "Bill, I've read letters in Penthouse that were more plausible."

I clicked on an article in Hotmail called "Find Sexy Bartenders In Your City."
I typed in the name of a city in California and Zal's picture came up. I *knew* he was holding out on me!

Well, I feel soooo much better knowing that the FDA has declared food from cloned
animals healthy for eating and that cloned animals are "virtually indistinguishable" from real livestock.
Thank goodness they gave this their stamp of approval, the same people who give killer prescription drugs their stamp of approval.
Yes, I'm feeling very trusting right about now.

I live with a family of lazy asses. Yesterday afternoon every damn one of them were "napping".
Like old people. Napping.
I was the only one awake, silently lip synching to my favorite songs so I wouldn't wake anyone up.

Ok, now I'm hooked on "Born to Be Alive" by Patrick Hernanadez. Just shoot me already.


Mushy said...

I wish Santa had brung you a digital camera - so you could post some of the godawful sights you find around and about the trailer park!

Goddess said...

Nah, Santa didn't bring me a digital camera this year. Course that might be because he brought me one two Christmases;)

Mushy said...

Well maybe he should have given you lessons this year!

Cherrie said...

I hate when a bad song gets stuck in my head . . .

And a bunch of lazy asses would annoy me. Good thing you have us inexaustible bloggers to hang out with.