Wednesday, December 20, 2006

feliz navidad (or however ya spell it)

So I was reading Luke Ford, and after I scanned past the copied & pasted crapola
from South's site that I've had eight days to read, THIS headline catches my eye:
"Dan Miller Named Editor-in-Chief of AVN Magazine". WHAAAA??
No offense to Dan Miller--whoever he is--but what about my sweetie possible stalkee Dan Davis?!
He could have whipped that magazine into shape and doggone it, looked good doing it!
If nothing else, I'm sure he would have fixed their nightmarish websites that aren't any easier to upload on high speed.
One thing that did sound good about Dan Miller is that he ALLEGEDLY told people
in the office to IM him if they have questions instead of coming to him directly.
Now if this is true--and I hope it is--Dan Miller is my kind of guy.
You do NOT want to have daily contact with the peon writers under you.
That is too much like fostering friendly relations and we cannot have that in the cut throat world of porn, people!
On second thought, maybe Dan Davis wasn't right for the job. Too friendly. Hell, he even IM'ed me, his potential stalker!
It's just wrong to be that friendly.

One thing that has been repeated several times in the media--and on the freaking Today Show,
which apparently has nothing else to report on today--is that Miss America's interview was "tearful". I beg to differ.
I heard a lot of 'pseudo sobbing' in her voice, but I didn't see any actual tears marring that make-up.
Again, just the cynic in me pointing this out. Personally I think she should have been
booted for the simple fact that she was drinking underage,
and there's a morals clause in her contract. Period. I loved the fact that after being so grateful for a second chance,
she turned right around and said she didn't think she had a drinking problem. The drinking was happening when she was
a minor. That's a problem.

After having to help write so many letters to Santa, I am going to impart all my wisdom
of such endeavors to you, my fellow parents, so you know when you're being played.
Kids always start their letters with "I love you." This is blatant ass kissing. How can they love Santa when they don't even know him?
They always end with "don't forget to wear your seatbelt, Santa," which really tugs at your heartstrings.
You end up feeling they actually care about your safety. They don't. They want to be sure their gifts aren't destroyed in a fiery crash.
If they're smart, they'll mention the snacks they'll be providing. Take gifts away from them if any snacks are fat free or sugar free.
For all the money we spend on them, those cookies should be loaded with butter and sugar.
They never fail to include the line, "I've been a very good girl/boy." Most are smart enough to only add one "very".
They know Santa's not an idiot. This is very much like the adult practice of padding your resume, by the way.
For the only time in their lives, most of them use the words "please" and "thank you" as in, "Would you please bring me.."
and "thank you so much for bringing me..." The clever kids know to never use the words "I want ..." or "Gimme ..."
You can tell if the child has been REALLY bad if he mentions a gift he/she would like Santa to bring for someone down on their luck. Uh huh.
If he/she was that generous of heart, they'd give their gifts to the poor tyke.

Ugh. My aunt is flying in for Christmas. Thank God I'm avoiding the family this year. Next week she will be drunk saying inappropriate things.
So different than the rest of the year when she's sober saying inappropriate things...

Remember the story Bugs sent us yesterday about the family who had
their Frosty vandalized? They had them on CNN today
and their small child saying, "It was terrible!" Yes, milk that story for all it's worth
and traumatize the kid as well! Merry Christmas!


Dustin said...

At least it was a snowman and not the baby jesus... :P

bugs said...

dustin, that is funny. Hey G---why doncha take your neighbor's white wire deer and go on a pilgrimmage....