Monday, December 11, 2006

fall on your knees oh hear the angel voices

Only Britney Spears. Have you seen the new commercial for her perfume, Fantasy?
"Once upon a time there was a goddess and a hunter.
She was beautiful and he couldn’t help himself.
There wasn’t a single part of her that he didn’t want to touch.
She was leaving soon on a goddess world tour
So he did something crazy and they lived happily ever after."
The "something crazy" the hunter did? He shot her in the back with an arrow, felling her like so much venison.
Yayaya, I know it was a "magic love" arrow, come on, the hysterically funny/ironic thing is the twit that shoots her in the back is K Fed.
FYI, advertising folks, if you want people to sucker for all of this love and fantasy stuff,
it would have been smart to re-shoot the commercial using a male model. One that doesn't look like a greasy haired bum.

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later. Dan Davis said I'm a lousy stalker.
Holy shit. I haven't even STARTED yet, and already I'm lousy!
But I've been thinking about this, and here's the deal: I blame Dan.
I started stalking South after I saw vids of him
having sex, so Dan is just going to have to pony up a DVD of his "greatest hits,"
if you know what I mean. A gal needs something to...umm..."work" with.

Ok, go to this site, and watch the intro to Dirt. Then tell me what kind of
work Courteney Cox has had because she doesn't even look the same anymore.
To me it looks like she's had lipo to her face, work on her jaw and neck,
and there's a whooole lotta airbrushing goin' on. She's looks much better than she did towards the end of Friends.

I got the sweetest Christmas card this week from Da Buglet aka Bugs' Male Offspring #1.
He drew me a picture of a Christmas tree and lots of presents that hopefully he's planning to send me.
I put the card on my fridge, right next to a Christmas card that my Male Offspring #7 drew for me in kinneygarden last week.
It shows me on the roof hanging Christmas lights. Then he wrote the words, "DIE!! DIE!! DIE!!" then
it shows me falling off of the roof and laying on the ground with my severed head several feet away from my body.
Then he wrote the words "AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!"
I have no idea what he's trying to say there but he drew a really THIN version of me, so it's a keeper! It's going right into my Brag Book!

I was in the yard the other day walking Holly and two Jehovah witness chicks stopped to talk to me.
They haven't been back since I made that crack a summer or two ago, about Jesus catching fly balls.
I honestly thought that maybe they weren't doing this part of the ministry anymore,
because I never see them in any of the local neighborhoods anymore. But maybe they've just given up on me and my bad neighbors.
The one lady says, "We have something for you," and she started walking towards me.
Holly stepped forward and started to growl under her breath. Hey, ever since the kids
took her to church to get baptized, Holly has been a staunch Catholic!
Then I heard the other lady say, "Oh, my. Maybe we better come back some other time." Yeah, maybe.

7 comments:

Bruno said...

J-Witnesses make me sick to my stomach when they come around, pushin' their garbage! And the way they use todays' trespass laws to their advantage pisses me off even more! The law won't touch 'em, afraid of too much "bad P-R"! Although since I started packin' heat when I work in the fields, and when in the workshop, it seems to have had a negative influence on visits by J-Ws', and several other scraggy-assed "visitors" who claim to be looking for neighbors who never existed, if you get my drift...

bugs said...

Ahem---let's call him Bugs Only Offspring. Did you really hang it on the fridge? And seriously, all he ever draws for me is me in the rain with my hands coming out of my head instead of my body.

As far as the JWs go...when they come to the door, I just tell them that I have a goat on the spit, but they're welcome to come in while I check on it. Not one of em has taken me up on my offer. Go Holly, Go!!

bugs said...

Oh, and you forgot to mention how much cuter Da Buglet is than ANY of your offspring...

Anonymous said...

Courtney doesn't even LOOK like Courtney any more ! Airbrushed indeed !
Isn't it sweet when offspring and grannychildren make you holiday cards ? especilly when Granny is looking thin and gorgeous and so industriously hanging lights ?
Holly sounds like a VERY good watch dog !
Have a good week, Goddess.
AE

Jason said...

I didn't know Jehovah witnesses had chicks. All I see are dorky dudes. If they really want to convert people try using the girls in the school-girl outfit. That may win converts, and fundage.

Goddess said...

LOL, smart idea, Jason!

The young guys in suits are always Mormons around here and the chicks are always JW's. BUT the younger chick is ALWAYS escorted by an older woman.

Bruno said...

And don't forget to mention how they use young children as a "backlash-shield". Their purpose: "You can't touch a child, physically, or verbally! If you do, WE will contact the authorities!" But, that's just one assholes' opinion.....