Father O'Grady was saying his goodbye's to the parishioners after his Sunday morning service as he always does when Mary Clancey came up to him in tears.
"What's bothering you so, dear?" inquired Farther O'Grady.
"Oh, father, I've got terrible news." Replied Mary.
"Well what is it, Mary?" "Well, my husband, passed away last night, Father."
"Oh, Mary" said the father, "that's terrible.
Tell me Mary, did he have any last requests?"
"Well, yes he did father," replied Mary.
"What did he ask, Mary?"
Mary replied, "He said, 'Please, Mary, put down the gun...'"
A car driven by a woman breaks down on the Interstate one day. So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Out of the trunk jump two men in trench coats who walk to the rear of the vehicle where they stand facing oncoming traffic and begin opening their coats and exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, one of the worst pileups in history of this highway occurs. It's not very long before a police car shows up. The cop, clearly enraged, runs toward the woman yelling, "What the heck is going on here?" "My car broke down," says the woman, calmly. "Well, what are these perverts doing here by the side of the road?" asks the cop. And she said..."Those are my emergency flashers!"
Mr. G called me at work yesterday and said, "What am I buying you for Christmas?"
I'm like, "What?! Honey, how would I even--"
He said, "No. We're not playing this game this year. You know what you want, so spare me the headache of figuring it out for myself. Because you know I never will! Then you'll be disappointed on Christmas and I'll be disappointed I disappointed you, the offspring will be disappointed you're disappointed and they'll hate me for disappointing you, and another Christmas will be ruined. Spare us another tragic holiday."
I said, "Well when you put it that way, honey, I'll take that two carat diamond ring because I had to return the other one in the summer."
Guess who's sorry he asked? LOL!
I feel kind of guilty writing this song for my potential stalkee Dan because in all the years I stalked him, I never wrote one for Mike. Although I did write that poem about how he was responsible for killing my tomato plants and another one about how I wanted Santa to bring me Mike for Christmas. I guess two poems=one song.
I was reading an article about 25 year old political wanna be Tim Nieukirk from Springfield, Illinois.
He's basing his campaign for governor on humor instead of mudslinging, a refreshing change, and his ads can be found on YouTube.
He still lives at home with his parents and when asked if he would live
and work in Springfield unlike the current governor, he said, "I'm more than happy to move into the mansion. I need to get out of my parents' house." LOL! I love that.
I love the ad for Bodog.com, the online gambling site. It features Jamie Gold and he's surrounded by hot chicks.
At one point, he says, "You know what you have to do," and over his left shoulder you see a set of big ole hooters (great camera work, guys)
because we all know chicks with big hooters hang out with guys who gamble.
And guys who drink beer....or drive fancy sports cars...or have a full head of hair.
I love it when I work on Sundays the Steelers are playing. I get phone calls like this:
Mr. G: "They SUCK! Why do they keep this jackass [Roethleisberger] in the game?"
Me: "I think--"
Mr. G: "And why the hell does he [Roethleisberger] keep throwing to Holmes? He's cost them two plays already."
Me: "Maybe they--"
Mr. G: "They need to get him [Roethleisberger] the hell out of the game if he's not 100%."
Me: "Possibly they--"
Mr. G: "I gotta go. The game is back on."
Yeah, nice talking to ya, honey....
No wonder we're so fat in the good old U.S. of A. There was a recipe in Sunday's paper for a
pumpkin pie dessert made with Twinkies. I'm just surprised they didn't deep fry the entire pie...
Both of my co-workers are pissed off at Overtime Hawg. The one said she's a trouble maker and we never had the problems we have now until she came along.
The other one called me all upset, worried that Overtime Hawg is trying to make her look bad to the bosses, so she'll get canned.
She thinks Overtime Hawg can't handle daylight duties anymore and wants her night shift, which is much easier.
I felt for this co-worker because she started crying about the entire situation because she feels helpless. It's difficult when you work with a kiss ass because you feel like you should start kissing ass, too. Mr. G keeps saying, "Just be yourself. People see through all that ass kissing."
While O.H. is a major pain in my butt, as we all know, I think the majority of the problems stem from Boss #1 having LOUSY management skills.
She communicates in notes, which is total bullshit. Plus she refuses to set rules and enforce them. O.H. pretty much runs the show, and I have to admit, she's very clever. She buys the bosses a ton of gifts
and invites Boss #1 to her house for coffee all the time. While Boss #1 told me she didn't want to go,
she went anyway. She bought Boss #1 an expensive blouse for her birthday, which she originally refused, then later accepted.
If she corrects O.H., she starts bawling. Emotional manipulation. What a bunch of shit. The lady knows exactly what she's doing, though.