Monday, November 20, 2006

theres a place i dream about where the sun never goes out


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ZAL!!!!

OMG. I heard the *funniest* thing on QVC Sunday afternoon. They were pimping a Rain Fall shower head with a hand held shower thingy, too, and together they were only $32 plus postage. Well, I've been wanting one of these for a long time, because quite frankly, I don't think gals can get that cooch squeaky clean when the water is flowing above their heads. So I ordered and because I know I'll get stuck with installation, I watched the presentation to see if they would show you how to install because they usually do. Some lady calls in and she sounded to be in her 60's and she says, "My mother is elderly, so I bought one of these units because she has to be seated in the shower and I think this will be great for her." The male show host and the guy from the company immediately agreed with her and pointed out all the advantages. THEN she says, "And Dr. Ruth says it's a great way to HAVE AN ORGASM." I almost pissed my pants! And the show host immediately says, "Ok, thanks so much for calling...." LOL!!

While part of me is mourning the loss of my sweet little laptop, I keep telling myself this is a good opportunity to step away from the computer during the day. 12 hours to be exact. Sigh.

There are some things in this world that should never change. Baseball should be as American as apple pie, diamonds should be a girl's best friend and the Oscar Meyer weiner jingle should be sung off key by a bunch of five year olds. It should NOT, however, sound like it's being sung by a miniature Mariah Carey. Oscar Meyer is currently having a jingle contest and like Mariah, the one chickypooh is able to make the word "Oscar" into a sixteen syllable word. That's just WRONG, people! Needless to say she is not getting my vote. I'm gonna see if there's some cute gap-toothed kid with a lisp singing the jingle....

MY DAILY BITCH concerns Harlequin. I purchased their Christmas romance novel shipments via mail delivery because the only thing I love more than a good Christmas movie is a good Christmas cop. I mean, romance novel. They send you two softbacks and one hardback for $20. I started to read the one yesterday and the chick makes reference to MORK & MINDY. I'm like, "Mork & Mindy?! WTF?" Turns out the book was a reprint with a copyright date of 19 fricking 84. I checked the others and they were ALL reprints. Naturally, I emailed Harlequin immediately and let them know of my displeasure!!

There was an article in our local paper about the upcoming OJ Simpson show on FOX. The station manager said they would not be airing the show because it did not meet the stations standards and "served no meaningful purpose." Hell, that applies to 99.99% of the shows on TV, except for COPS. And I don't think I need to tell you what purpose that show serves....but if you're particularly dense, refer to the showerhead post above.

Ok I saw a demonstration of the new Sony Playstation tennis game and I just have to laugh. The players are standing and simulating the movements of the tennis player onscreen. ONLY IN AMERICA, would we imitate exercise instead of actually doing it.

Wow. Can you tell I didn't have access to my laptop all day yesterday? All this stuff is bubbling up inside of me, spilling onto the keyboard, much like the sticky splooge of horny internet geeks.

I read that the approval ratings of America and Americans is down again in Indonesia. It rose to 60% after the tsunami and our relief efforts in that country. It's now down to 30%. Sure they got our money and our help, they can go back to fucking hating us again.

I thought about you Saturday night, WW. I saw two Marines in full dress going to a wedding reception. Mighty fine looking men, I must say.

I saw a commercial for this new Barbie toy. It said, "It's a bus, hot tub and house all in one." Yeah, they're called "trailers," people. Get over yourselves. It's been done.

4 comments:

Zal said...

Awww...

Thanks for the balloons!

(even though I know some drunk will end up huffing the gas and singing me "Happy Birthday" with them)

*smooch*

Goddess said...

Hope it's a happy one;)

Bruno said...

My gawd---tell me it ain't so! Trying to "modernize" the Oscar Meyer jingle into SOUL---! Geez, ain't nothin' sacred anymore???

Goddess said...

Nope. After Stevie Nicks took a shot at "Silent Night," NOTHINGS sacred anymore, Bruno.