A little something to get you into the Christmas spirit...whether you want to be or not:
Reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen
with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest
as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability
to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.
LOL! I love that last one....
I was watching a program on Showbiz Tonight about weight loss. They said that one thing that helps you lose
weight is breastfeeding. That's it. I'm going to start breastfeeding the entire neighborhood.
Maybe I can "double up" and have a mouth on each tit...
I am sooooooooooooo excited! Guess what I bought for myself? A Season for Miracles videotape!!
I wanted to buy the DVD, but that damn thing was $29. So I bought a "new" "used" tape for only $6 something,
shipping included. I'm so excited! I can't wait to watch it. Hell, I can't wait to get it.
And of course, Mr. G immediately said, "Wait. Can we consider that your Christmas gift?"
I said, "Nice try, honey. I'm getting the ring."
For those of you that don't know, this is the sort of lawn ornament Bugs' and I are talking about.
You know who I feel sorry for in all this madness? The inflatable Thanksgiving turkey, that's who. They don't even get a lousy
week of glory before they're ripped down and replaced by a damn 8 foot tall snowman family.
Bugs writes: "...you could have a contest for your readers (all five of us) to find the most hideous XmasDecoration!. Christmas decorations, however should not count, because Christmas decorations are tasteful, such as a simply lit tree or a wreath on the front door. XmasDecorations! are akin to the Griswold's House. However.....if the homeowner of a XmasDecoration! house does the display for charity, it should receive bonus points."
I'd like to do this, but I really think Bugs is overestimating my readers. Sorry, the truth hurts,
I know, but if ONE of you guys picks up a camera to participate, I'll faint. I'm thinking I should offer the winner some sort
of prize, but again, I might as well just ask Bugs for her addy cuz I'm guessing she'll be the only one that "plays" along.