Friday, November 03, 2006

don't close your eyes, this is your life

Oddly enough, none of the offspring are begging for this doll for Christmas...
BTW, what the hell does "I am my kid's mom" mean?
Obviously if they're YOUR kids, you must be THEIR mom.
Surely it's not that difficult to come up with Lauraisms?
How about, "Now let's get out there and not be gay, kids!"
I like the way the doll is labeled as an "action figure". What does she do? Wag her finger while she bitches?
BTW, nice Ellen de Generes pants suit Laura's got on there. I guess that shows she's a "working woman", and she
doesn't have time to accentuate her femininity.
Thanks for the link, Bugs!

I spent a good two hours going over the Toys R Us paper with the offspring and explaining to the them why they didn't want any of the toys in it.
Oy. Having teeth extracted is an easier (and more fun) task. Female Offspring #7 was really
giving me a time of it with that stupid ghetto Barbie styling head.
It's called Bling Bling something or other. Barbie is so damn materialistic.
She's gotta have the Porsche, she's gotta have the house in Malibu, she's gotta have a
million pairs of shoes AND every career known to man(andwoman)kind.
What an overachieving, unfulfilled, money grubber. And yes, that WAS my winning argument...
Male Offspring #7 wanted the Fisher Price Ultimate Terrain Traction Jeep Hurricane. Now I ask you, dear parents,
what has to be going on in their lives that a four or a five year old would NEED ultimate terrain traction?!
We're not living in the jungles of the Amazon or the Himalayas, for pete freaking sake.
It was super easy to talk my way out of this toy. A. it cost more ($370) than I'm willing to
spend on ALL the kids; B. he doesn't have his license yet; C. gas is too expensive; D. it's made by the evil empire aka Fisher Price,
and E. the mere fact that he didn't
know I was bullshitting him about A, B, C but not D tells me he's not responsible enough to get behind the wheel.

Good news for you Black Friday shoppers. I heard on the news that WalMart's numbers for October
were so dismal that they're going to start offering Black Friday type deals as early as next week.
I also heard that some stores are going to open at midnight on Black Friday instead of 6 a.m.
I can honestly say that I have *NEVER* wanted anything so badly that I had to stand in line at 6 a.m. to get it....

If you've missed any of the Daily Shows from O-HI-O, they're offering them in full for free on Comedy Central's website.

I got back to work this morning and surprise, surprise. Not only did Overtime Hawg manage to work all of her hours,
despite the fact that she was pretty much "dying," she even refused offers from another woman who was willing to work her shift.
I think what really infuiated me about the entire incident was that with every message she left on my answering machine,
she upped the amount of days she wanted me to fill in for her. It went from just Monday, to Monday and Tuesday,
and by the time the last call came in where she said she was going to the ER, she pretty much decided I was going
to work all four days for her. At death's door and yet, she refused to lose any hours to anyone else.
I feel bad for the one woman who works here because if she so much as sneezes, Overtime Hawg is calling Boss #1 and telling her she's not fit to work.
Yet she'd probably drag an IV pole with her to keep her hours.
I wouldn't say anything because I rarely call off of work myself, but she spends at least $200-300 on useless garbage almost every week that she's here.
ANYTHING the boss buys, SHE buys. And she usually buys five or six of each item, claiming she has lots of gifts to give.
Understand that I don't care HOW a person spends their money. If you work for it, you have a right to spend it the way you want.
But don't fucking cry poor to me and tell me the reason you need all the overtime is because you have so many prescription bills.
Especially when your husband shows up to pick you up in a brand new SUV and you're squandering entire paychecks on worthless knick knacks.

4 comments:

Ron Southern said...

Life is hard. For that matter, so is watching TV.

frhe sjgg said...

Ah Goddess, you've done it again ! I love starting my day reading you !

Your writing makes me laugh no matter how crabby I was whe I sat down at the computer ! Your dry sense of humor is hysterical !!!!

Dr. Laura and Barbie and Jeep Hurricane. Nice !!!

As for overtime Hawg, she sounds as materialistic as Barbie... (And didn't Ken run off with gidget or some other plastic parts babe ?? Not sure if he left her the SUV as part of the divorce settlement...)

Happy Friday !
Sincerely,
Anne Elizabeth

Goddess said...

OMG, that was yet *another* reason not to buy Barbie, Anne! She left Ken for another guy. Personally I think it's because he wasn't anatomically correct. Don't think I'd want to tie myself to a guy who didn't have any "equipment" either, but she stuck around long enough!

Depends on the show, Ron;)

Mushy said...

Tell me, what will America do if Walley World goes under? They killed the small town and mom/pop stores, so where do we shop now?

Oh yeah...the Internet!