Monday, October 16, 2006

the ultimate trick

I am totally pissed! Seems Lurlene is spreading it all over the trailer court that the twit that
jumped the fence at the White House on Saturday was one of MY offspring! Not true! My offspring are soft and lazy. There's not a jumper among them! I'm sorry, but they need to get rid of that chickenwire fence at the White House. Beef up security, for Pete's sake.

In case you haven't seen him, here is the new TMX Elmo in action.
That would hold even my youngest offspring's attention for no longer than five minutes.
Then the others would haul Elmo's ass outside and use him for target practice.

I was really disappointed in the "Night of Too Many Stars" Comedy Central telethon for autism.
It was hosted by Jon Stewart and everybody seemed to be trying much too hard, especially Mike Meyers and Martin Short.
The only genuinely funny segment was the one with Steve Carell making an appeal to rich cats.
The hilarious part was when his co-star from The Office, Oscar Nunez did the appeal in Spanish and there
was a puppet kitten in the corner of the screen doing sign language to translate. That bit is on the
Comedy Central site, so you can save yourself a whole lot of hurt by watching it there.

I ordered the Marshall Plan Workbook late Friday evening from Amazon. The shipping and handling was $3.99,
but if I wanted it by Monday (today), which I did, the shipping jumped to $9.50. At that point I was feeling fairly
cheap and decided to let the cards fall where they may.
I chose regular shipping and saw that the delivery date was going to be somewhere around the 20th. Bummer.
But later when I saw it was shipped
from Warren, PA on Saturday, I knew I'd done the right thing. I got it today anyway. Whooo hooo!
The one thing I really like about Amazon is that their shipping time is usually pretty fast.

I watched some of Ellen today...yes, deliberately.
I don't think I have ever (deliberately) sat down and watched an entire episode of her talk show.
The only time I watch it is usually when I'm waiting for the car at the garage and there's no remote.
Coincidentally, the only time I watch Reege on purpose is when I'm in the chiropractor's office and there's no remote.
But I digress. All weekend long, I'd been seeing Ellen sobbing on commercials in which she pimped a visit to a hypnotist, Paul McKenna.
She was sobbing and talking about how upsetting her mysterious problem was. She went so far as to say it was a "pretty scary thing to share with everybody".
Her scary problem? Smoking. Oooo, I know I was scared.
Frankly, I'm surprised she's never tried hypnosis for that problem before now. If I was super rich (and lived anywhere near a hypnotist), I'd sure as hell go.
I think the problem is that so many hypnotists indulge in show business theatrics where they make people act like
monkeys on stage, and any value that might be gained from hypnosis as a tool of change is lost. People tend to mistrust it. I think the one big misnomer I always see is
that you're cured instantly. Truth is you might be cured instantly for the time being, but you have to keep going back to reinforce the changes that were made.
And if your hypnotist tricks you into sucking his cock every time he says the words "how are you today?" well, that's your problem. But enough about my fantasies...

Today I received the spam email "wanna last longer in bed?" and I had to delete it.
Hell, I've been sleeping past noon all week. If I last any longer in bed, I won't be getting up till suppertime.
If I so much as look at the clock before 11, Holly gives me that "what? ALREADY?!" look.

2 comments:

Mushy said...

Heck, I wouldn't spend that kind of money for a "moving target"...I get the neighbor's cats for free!

Goddess said...

Hmm, my guess is there are no "wild" cats roaming in your neighborhood...LOL!

here, kitty, kitty...BANG!