Friday, September 01, 2006

you always wanted a lover, i only wanted a job

I can't believe CBS admitted to airbrushing pics of Katie Couric to look "several sizes" smaller than she really is. The media isn't happy unless a woman is a stick with huge tits and no wrinkles.

So today while I was snacking on an orange Halloween crayon, it occurred to me that if Petco
was going to have hamster races, they ought to warn the public so
"someone" doesn't bring her overactive black Lab to the store on the day of the races.
Oh, the carnage.
There's no getting those children's screams out of my head.
Gawd, kids are annoying.
So somebody loses a head or a few paws.
I mean, seriously is that any reason to screech & wail at the top of your lungs?
On the upside, we've learned that sometimes hamsters make a tasty snack for dogs.
(Even yummier when dipped in BBQ sauce first!)
And I now have the plot for a new children's story in my head, tentatively titled, "Holly Eats A Hamster...Or Two."
Another plus is that hamsters have
absolutely no personality whatsoever, so for a quarter I can
replace some kid's "best friend in the whole wide world"
and he's none the wiser.

Favorite spam subject this week: "Be the "biggest" out of all of your friends." Hmm, if the
scale is reading correctly, mission accomplished.

My favorite Nutrasystem ad is the one where the guy says, "Since Nutrasystem, my sex life is back on track." Yes, he's back to jacking off five nights a week instead of two...

So yesterday afternoon Mr G and I role played during sex. He was the lonely drifter with no goals and a mysterious past,
and I was the horny bed and breakfast owner with no morals, trapped in a sexless marriage.
HA! Won't find that in one of those cookie cutter sexual fantasy books!

Damn it! I wish the person who uploaded all those Nasty Cops
vids to Morpheus would log on once in a while so I can upload the damn things!!! Grrrrrrrrrr.
I've been trying to upload for MONTHS.

Speaking of COPS--no, you're not getting off that easily. I was watching a segment from Des Moines where the cops
had been called back to the house several times in the past week. The woman said, "I don't care. We're moving out of this neighborhood anyway."
Right away the cop said, "Where are you moving?" and you just KNEW he was praying they were moving somewhere out of his jurisdiction.

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