Tuesday, September 05, 2006

i'm leavin on a jet plane, don't know when i'll be back again

I haven't had or craved pasta in months since we started this "no sugar" eating proram BUT today I
saw a commercial for FRIED MAC N CHEESE and now I can't stop thinking about it and lusting after it!!!
Has anybody tried it? If you have, please tell me that while it sounds yummy, it tastes awful so I can get back to craving chocolate.

Anybody who has been reading my journal for awhile knows that I try with my kids. I really, really (almost, sorta kinda) (give a shit) try with my offspring.
I promised to take them to the county fair but something important came up (Court TV cop shows marathon) and I was unable to take them. BUT I promised to take them to the fair, by God, and last night that's exactly what I did. I loaded them all into the Riomobile and took them to the fair...the Diabetes Fair! It was chock full of all the things kids love: sharp pointy objects, blood and a free sugary snack, because we all know there's no better comfort food than a Rice Krispies marshmallow treat after finding out you're at risk for diabetes.
(The scary thing is it was held at a hospital, where you'd think the idiots would know better...)
They tested all my offspring and I found out which ones were at risk for diabetes, which ones were at risk for stealing diabetes supplies
(they'll be going to the drs. office with me next time so they can snatch some free tongue depressors for me)
and which ones were at risk for being a smart ass. None of them fall into the first category, most of them fall into the second category and they *ALL* fall into that last category.

I loved the way Katie Couric promised to do things "differently" on the CBS Evening News. It showed her (GASP!) standing and reading! OMG! Katie stands! And reads! Wow, wish I could do that. She's also asking for help with her "sign off." How about "...and that's the news. Until tomorrow...FUCK OFF!"
They're using a less formal set, too, to make it appear more cozy and friendly, hoping to lure in the women viewers.
Let's get real, I watch the news to hear the news, not because I think Katie Couric wants to be my friend.

Poor little Male Offspring #7. He came to me earlier in the week and asked me where he came from. I felt he was ready to hear the whole truth. Sooooo I sat him down
and told him where babies come from. I explained to him how sometimes Mommys get drunk and they make stupid mistakes and have sex with guys they don't know, don't love and won't ever see again called "Daddys".
Then I dragged out the video tape and showed his real birth.
(I have a video tape of every one of my births. The minute the kids bitch about cooking or cleaning being "hard work," I slap one of the tapes in and make them watch.)
Afterwards he got really quiet and I asked him if he had any questions.
He said, "I just wanted to know if I came from Pennsylvania or New Jersey...."
Oops. My bad.
Now he's even MORE upset because Male Offspring #5, the Jebus nut, keeps telling him he has to be "born again."
I can only imagine what's going on in his head right now. No wonder the poor kid keeps hiding under the bed...

Damn it. I took a test over on Zal's LJ and apparently I belong in the 60's! 1964 to be exact. With all THE HIPPIES!!

ATP: "If someone said Goddess died doing what she loved...i'd think...she was watching Cops?"
Me: "Or jilling off to cops...."
Leaving on The Big O would be a great way to go.

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