Sunday, September 24, 2006

armed and dangerous

South's entire column today might as well have been written in French for all I got out of it.
Men and their tv's. GUH.

The offspring and I are still arguing over Halloween costumes. I'm trying to convince
Offspring #3 and Male Offspring #3 to go as a nice Raggedy Ann and Andy. They would rather go
as Paris Hilton and sumdumass rich guy she's dating.
I want Male Offspring #'s 7 and 8 to go as Chip and Dale.
I'm going as a mother who gives a shit and
I'm going to dress Holly as Satan once again--no costume necessary once again. I'm going to keep her on the front porch with me during
"Is My Costume Hott or Not A Paoolza 2006". I'll sic her on anybody who tries to get an extra Snicker bar.
Now I know what you're thinking, "But Goddess if Holly never listens how will you get her to chase bratty neighborhood kids?"
Simple. There's one thing Holly covets above all else: her beloved bones. I'll simply yell, "He's got your bone!"
If ya can't affered expensive dog school, ya learn to work with what ya got.

Started to watch a little of Eddie Murphy's Daddy Day Care and it was every bit as dumb as I suspected.
Waaaay too much of guys getting kicked in the nuts or the shins.

Male Offspring #5 wanted us to watch some of his New Testament Bible on DVD and because
I love my offspring so much, I forced them to sit and watch....while I tried to take a nap.
Everything was fine for about the first fifteen seconds.
Then they started fighting over who would hold the remote, fighting over how long each one could hold the remote
and finally fighting about the fact that we only have one remote. (They'll turn on ya in a heartbeat.)
. Male Offspring #7 started wailing because he didn't have paper and a pencil to write down the Bible "clues"
and Female Offspring #7 was bawling because she wanted to start with the Bible DVD that Dora the Explorer was on.
Male Offspring #2 was crying because there weren't any "sexy chicks" in the Bible.
Next thing ya know they were all crying when I went into the living room and started smacking them with the Bible DVD packaging.

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