Wednesday, August 16, 2006

the world does not exist

Oh, here's another funny thing that was said at the funeral home last week. I forgot this one.
Several people from our church who hadn't seen her since she graduated high school, said to
Female Offspring #1, "OMG! You've turned into such a beautiful young lady."
THEN some of them added, "I can't believe it."
You know, as if they thought she had no chance in Hell of ever achieving that status.
Of course, she's beautiful for Pete freaking sake! She got that from me. All the weird-ities she got from her dad.
Although I'm sure Mr. G would disagree. Last week after his father's funeral we were talking and he said, "If I were to die now, I have no regrets," and I said, "Well, I have a ton of regrets about my life." He thought for a minute then said, "Well, I do have one." I said, "Let me guess. You regret being born handsome instead of rich, right?" Not that I've heard *that one* a million times.

Now, more than ever, we Americans need to pull together and fight for what is right. And what could be more "right" than naming a Hungarian bridge after a real American icon?! With that in mind, go to this link, scroll down to the "S's" and place a vote for Stephen Colbert, defender of Truthiness!

Will someone please explain to me why John Mark Karr was on television giving a statement of his guilt in the murder of Jon Benet Ramsey? WTH?!
My guess is that he didn't even do it. He's just a publicity whore. Get a Blogger like the rest of us publicity whores, ya jackass.

I was reading an article in the newspaper yesterday about the growing drug problem in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana.
Apparently since most of the residents were washed out with Katrina, drug dealers have set up operations there.
Murders are up 50%, but "overall crime" is down 20%.
Pretty much stands to reason if they're killing off more people that "overall crime" would be down.

If you're headed off to college this month, check out Freeload Press. If they're available, you can dl your text books for free.

I was watching one of the home shopping channels last night and they were pimping Persian rugs. The
pimpette said, "Persian rugs are an excellent investment. They are always increasing in value."
Really? Even after they've been used as a little box by a cat with an excitable bladder?

I am so thrilled that one of MY female offspring is going to be in a beauty pageant over the weekend!!
Along with ten other young misses, she's vying for the coveted title of Miss Patater Tot at the Tater Fest.
I was putting her through the paces last night--gee, she sounds a lot like a horse--and she was doing really
well in the poise section of the competition until
Male Offspring #3 shouted, "This spud's a dud!" I went au gratin on his ass and scalloped his pataters.

I was watching the local news last night and they were talking about a young girl who had been killed on a dirt bike.
At the end of the story they said, "The identity of the victim is being withheld pending notification of the family."
THEN they close up on one of those stones people have in their front yard with the family's LAST NAME engraved on it! Oy.

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