Thursday, August 10, 2006

sweet dreams are made of these who am i to disagree

One of the guys I know sent me an invitation to an "online bootycall."
Yeah, I'm sure Mr. G would loooooove that.

Click on this link and send a free card to a member of our armed forces.
Xerox does all the work, and there's no cost to you involved. Now get clickin'.

I love it when the boxing referee says to the fighters, "I expect you to obey my commands at all times."
Too bad we women can't get that put into our wedding vows, huh?

I had to get my haircut before the viewing on Tuesday--because you know no matter what happens
we women have to fuss over hair and clothes--but the chick that usually cuts my hair was on vacation. Now, my husband,
who has loves his hairstylist so much that he sleeps with her and is constantly grabbing at her boobs when she cuts his hair, does not
fully understand the relationship a woman has with her stylist. He said, "Can't you just get someone else to cut it?" UGH.
Desperate as I was, I decided to do just that. I told her I wanted my hair all one length across the bottom, showed
her how long I wanted my bangs, and then I told her to give me a bunch of uneven layers inbetween.
Now I thought that was pretty doggone clear. Apparently I was wrong. After cutting and cutting and cutting,
I ended up with chip choppy layers on one side and all one length of layers on the other.
After hearing "maybe I'm just not understanding you" about ten times, I gave up.
I came home and said to Mr. G, "This hair isn't EVEN!" He said, "Which side is the longest?" and I showed him.
He tilted my head in the opposite direction and said, "Just hold your head like that during the viewing."

I see Georgia Democratic Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney lost her primary bid earlier in the week. Boo hoo.
McKinney is the Congresswoman who uses the race card as much as most people use their debit card.
If you recall, it was the white police officer's fault when he "harassed" McKinney
at the Capitol for not showing the proper ID and now it's the "white voter's"
fault that she lost the primary. She lost by some 12,000 votes--apparently all white votes.
If she ever runs for political office again, her slogan should
be, "Cynthia McKinney, taking personal responsibility for her problems, well, never."

Speaking of debit cards, people should have to have a license to carry those damn things. I ran into Dollar General to pick up
a card--normally a two minute trip--and I found myself behind a woman who should have her debit card revoked.
If I had a quarter for every time she said, "Now what do I do?" I'd be eight quarters richer.
THEN she said, "I can never remember my PIN number,
that's why I wrote it right here on the card," as she flashes the card in my direction to SHOW ME. UGH.
She added, "It's really convenient." Yes, the thief who steals your card will definitely think so.

Every morning when we walk Holly, the bum insists on carrying something in her mouth. She has been this way since she was a puppy.
It can be a dish towel, a toy, a bone, a rag, but it's usually a sock. About two weeks ago, I picked up her leash, and
Holly immediately started to look for something to take outside. I said, "No. You're a big girl now.
You don't need to carry that junk in your mouth."
(Yes, I talk to her like she's a kid. So sue me.)
The next day she refused to go out with me until I gave her something to carry.
Because she has a tendency to drop the stuff along the way, I never know what I'm going
to pull out of our pockets when I'm doing laundry.
Last Friday when the hospital called to tell us that Mr. G's dad had been admitted from the home, we went down immediately to see him.
As soon as he saw his dad in that deteriorated state, my husband started to cry
and he reached into his pocket for a handkerchief, and pulled out.....a tube sock. We were crying and laughing at the same time.


Ron Southern said...

I like you.

The lazy stalker,

Goddess said...

Ahhhhh, my favorite kind of stalker!!