Thursday, August 03, 2006

portions of the day's programming are reproduced by means of electrical transcriptions or tape recordings

WORDS OF WISDOM: "Without tacky shit on your lawn, how does anyone know they're in Florida?"
Jason Jones, The Daily Show

I am SOOOOO HAPPY I'm off today!!

The city police officers, along with several state police officers, did a drug sweep in the city last night.
As I watched the morning news and saw all those officers rounding up drugs and drug suspects
from my city, only one thought went through my mind, "Holy shit! OUR CITY COPS ARE SMOKIN' HOTT!!"
Oh, yeah and I was happy they got more drugs off the street, blah blah. I am, however, bitterly disappointed that
I wasn't IN the city last night to see them all swarming around the streets. Damn.

The fair is sponsoring a "celebrity milking contest." Before you get all excited about the "celebrity" part, I think you should know that usually the "celebrity" consists of the weather guy or the dude who fills in for the regular tv sports guy on the weekends.

They're already running those stupid "aren't we all just one big happy family?!" ads for the Today Show's fall season. They feature the entire gang, along with newbie Meredith Viera, dancing and being all close knit, as if they don't have a care in the world. Let the backbiting begin....

Speaking of former View panelists, Starr Jones is reportedly pissedly because of news stories circulating about her marriage being on da rocks. It was alleged that her husband had already spoken with divorce attorneys. She vehemently denies this and has threatened to sue the people (person?) she feels are responsible for spreading the malicious rumors. I always think celebs suing about this sort of stuff is stupid. The marriage usually ends anyway, and all you've done is make the lawyers rich in the meantime. Or perhaps Jones will be her own lawyer and save herself some moola?

Damn. I am so disappointed. Zal was pimping out his fantasy football league and he asked if he had any takers. I told him I am HEAVY into fantasy football. I even have my team all picked out. It was at that moment that I realized his idea of fantasy football and my idea of 35 cops tackling me in an open field and having their way with me aren't one and the same. But if it WAS, I'd be soooo there!

I saw a story on the Today Show about a guy from London who met a chick at a barbeque, spent a couple hours with her, then wrote her a love letter type email. He sent it to her, she sent it to a bunch of friends because she thought it was FUNNY, and long story short, it's pretty much gone all over the world. Word to the wise, guys. Don't be writing love letters after spending just a couple hours with a chick. It's the sort of thing stalkers do. Which might be why she refused to go out with him. But it didn't much matter since her ridicule got him on the Today Show and his 15 minutes of fame.

Jockey Paul O'Neill only received a one day suspension for head butting his horse in London after being frustrated by the horse's antics.
O'Neill butted the horse on the nose with his helmet.
He was only given the one day suspension because the horse was not injured by the head butt.
I congratulate the horse for dumping the asshole off his back.
That was one of the lamest excuses I've ever heard for giving someone a lenient sentence.
But big whoop--the "severest" sentence was a 21 day suspension.


Finally! A dog more...ummm..."active" than Holly. A doberman named Barney ripped up thousands of dollars worth of rare teddy bears at a children's museum in London, on loan from a collector, and valued at $900k. One of the teddy bears was reportedly owned by Elvis.
That poor puppy is gonna be in the doghouse one hell of a looong time.
When they showed Barney, surrounded by the "evidence" of his misdeeds--stuffing and fur strewn everywhere!--he had that "I done wrong" expression on his face.
Although I guess since he's a Londoner, it would be more of a
"I might be in a bit of a sticky wicket" expression on his face. Either way it was hilarious.
Unless, of course, you're the dog's owner and then it's not the least bit funny.

Oh happy day! Holly has finally figured out that the dogs on COPS are nothing to be afraid of.
Last night we watched eight episodes and she didn't bark once! Yay!
Those Barkers Anonymous meetings really helped.

Gawd, they really milk the drama on Project Runway. One designer was booted because
he had--GASP!!!--pattern books in his room!!! When Tim Gunn told the others that Keith had been booted, they all looked as shocked as if he'd just told them the world had run out of fabric.
My favorite was judge Nina Garcia's reaction on The Today Show, "....I was devastated."

Jeannie writes: Goddess, you wrote your dad bought labelmakers for each of
your children, yet you only have 15 for sale. Keeping one to label your kids?"
Hmm, you haven't been reading me very long, Jeannie, or you'd know Female Offspring #1 doesn't live at home anymore.
One fateful day six years ago, I opened the back door and she made a break for it. Hasn't been back since. So anywho, her labelmaker is #16.

There was a lawyer in a nearby county who wanted to stop vendors from selling Nazi and KKK merchandise at the fair. First he chained himself to the steps of the county courthouse in protest.
Secondly, he gathered money from donations and went to the fair intending to buy up all of the stuff. They would only sell him $40 some dollars worth. When he went to court for the hearing they held because he chained himself to the courthouse, the judge decided that the guy would no longerbe permitted to attend the fair. Well, that worked out well........for the KKK.

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