Monday, August 21, 2006

no more cloudy days

Mutiny on the bounty!! Or in the trailer court, as it were.
Does anybody know where I can find a Jesus backpack and a Jesus lunchbox???!!
And no, it can't be any "Baby Jesus stuff" or the other kids will....cough, cough..."make fun."

Ahhhh, no! Dickies is redesigning their work jeans for more give and more comfort.
A Dickies' spokesperson said the jeans "will stay more on the high-hip area" as opposed to the lower buttock area.
You know what that means, don't cha? No more NIGHTMARE ON CRACK STREET!!
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Half naked plumber's ass is really the only
legit way I can stare another man's ass without being accused of "cheating".

Bush just announced he is sending $230 million dollars in aid so the Lebanese people can rebuild homes, and schools and $42 million to train their armed forces.
This pisses me off especially when I just watched a report on tv showing the deplorable condition of OUR OWN SCHOOLS, not to mention the fact that Bush cut federal grant aid for our OWN college kids. Some of the schools they showed had ceilings that were falling in, walls that were water damaged and disgusting bathroom conditions. By all means, continue to send our money overseas where's it needed the most, Mr. Bush. Everybody hates us, yet everybody expects US to come in with the money when there's a problem in their country. And it makes me even angrier that we continue to do it at the expense of our own country. If Bush mentions the words "we must make sacrifices" one. more. fucking. time. I'll spit.

I don't care what he says, it's a dweam cum twue.
All he had to do was open his mouth and swallow.....his way to safety.

The chief of police in London said the city is safe enough for residents to leave their doors unlocked. Yet the Metropolitan police department website doesn't advocate people leaving their doors open so much as how to make your front door even more secure than it already is. Kind of a headscratcher, if you ask me. From January to July alone, "Haringey police dealt with 2,834 burglaries of people’s homes (54 per week) and 6,399 incidents of violence against the person". Can't get much safer than that!

I watched the William Shatner roast. Only because I was waiting for Reno 911.
Damn it. The one time I remember to watch, it's not on. The roast was lame.
Most of the comedians were trying way too hard. The George Taki gay jokes go old quickly, as did the 'shat/shit' jokes. The highlight of the evening was when Patton Oswald
handed Shatner a paper bag and asked him if he could act his way out of it.

Yesterday I swear I heard the whiney phrase "do I have to *insert horrible thing I asked the offspring to do here*?!" over 100 times.
And I swear I screamed "YES, YOU HAVE TO!!!!" an equal amount of times.
I need a sore throat lozenge. And another bottle of Jack Daniels to wash the taste of parental bitterness out of my mouth.

My girlfriend is looking for a man. In and of itself, that isn't a problem. The problem is that she keeps trying to drag ME into it.
Imagine that. The ONE TIME I try to mind my own damn business someone won't let me.
South is probably turning over in his grave skimming that.
Mr G said, "Well, that's smart. Ask someone who's been married for 26 years where to find a man..."
Every time I ask her why she wants a man, she tells me the same thing: she's bored and lonely. Well, guess what?
There are LOTS of times I'm bored and lonely and I have a man. I keep trying to tell her that it's important for
her to cultivate some hobbies, something she can do to make herself happy (minds out of the gutter, guys) and
THEN worry about finding a guy, but she's focused solely on getting her man.

Whoa. Now that he's singlehandedly brought 'sexy back' Justin Timberlake
is getting quite mouthy. Of Kayne West, he said, "Kanye? Has he ever had a song that wasn't already a song before he did it?"
Timberlake quickly added that it was a joke. I have dibs on West letting Timberlake know exactly
how humored he is by that little hee haw in less than a week.
The bitch deserves to be smacked up for that whole "bringing sexy back" bullshit.
Maybe he can bring back some masculinity for himself while he's at it.

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