Friday, August 04, 2006

living the dream whatever that means

(1:30 p.m.) South informed me last night that he'll buy me the url, but IF I lose, I have to update for him for a week. After that last fiasco of an update, that's all the incentive I need, people! But he had rolling when he said that I should never buy a dot net because people don't go to dot nets as often as dot coms. He added, "buy something like copsidliketofuck instead." LOL!! NOT ON YOUR LIFE!! But it was funny.

(11 a.m.) Oooo, Floyd Landis tested positive for testosterone on the second urine test. I don't understand some people's thinking.
Why did he come out and proclaim his innocence knowing the truth would come out? I feel kinda bad for his mom.
She was on the news the day after the story first broke saying, "Floyd told me it's not true and I believe my son." Aww, man.
Lie to the whole world if you must, but don't lie to MOM! His defense team is still saying he can clear his name, so we shall see.
Last week they said his testosterone was out of whack because he was dehydrated. Oy. What a load of crap.
He's either telling the truth as he believes it or a persistent liar. As it stands, he looks like some of the dudes we see on COPS every week.
From what I understand there is one more really reliable test they can do.
Notice how they do the unreliable tests first and issue the findings to the news? Lovely.

I saw an infomercial on raising llamas on tv this morning. One guy said, "My wife and I have raised llamas for five years." Five years?! Hell,
we ate ours within five weeks. Most expensive meat we ever bought...

(12 a.m.) Bugs writes: I heard on Showbiz Tonight last night that the insurance company that insured the bear collection were
the boneheads that insisted on guard dogs being there in the first place. Poor Barney!
Apparently he's being retired to a chicken farm.....I weep for those chickens and I hope they make good fryers.
LOL! The whole incident was made all the more comical by the fact that poor Barney was a "guard" dog.
Look on the bright side, though. Once Barney gets started, the chickens won't know what hit 'em.
They might as well have hired Holly to watch the exhibit. She once ripped up a puppy slipper in under three minutes.

I'm still upset about Manuel. Here we are in the peak of grass cutting season and that slacker is nowhere to be seen.
The kids are all involved with Bible school, so guess who gets stuck with the yard work? That's right....Mr. G. Men do the outside work and the kids do the inside work. Just the way God intended.
Thursday Mr. G kept saying, "Damn I have to cut that grass on Friday after
work and do the weed eating. I just hope I have enough time to get it all done in one day."
Then a little while later, he'd say, "Yeah that grass is really thick. I have get it cut tomorrow or Saturday."
About the third time he told me this, I'm thinking, "He's angling for me to cut the grass. I might as well just do it and be done with it."
But I didn't say anything to him. You know, in case something unexpectedly WILD happened, like the
dudes from Publisher's Clearing House dropping in with a HUGE check for me to cash. Well, then I wouldn't feel like cutting grass.
I'd be too busy spending my money on male whores and porn.
So, on Friday morning, Mr G. calls me from work and says--get this--"You won't hurt my feelings if you cut the grass." Big shocker there.
It's all good. I actually like cutting the grass. It gives me time to meditate.

Oh, and what is not to love about my laptop?! I picked out some fast, grass cutting songs,
burned them to a CD and off I went to mow AND groove! I LOVE IT!!
I guess I didn't realize how loudly I was singing though. I was still cutting when Mr. G came home and he came over to me and said, "Could
you sing that part about how you're not down with whores or smack a little louder? I don't think the neighbor kids heard you."
I said, "No problem, honey! I downloaded them all a copy and burned it to a CD for them last week when they asked me for More, More, More."
I began my grass cutting "career," if you will when I was a wee lass of ten. In all that time, I have NEVER lost a mower. A few fingers and a toe, yes. A mower, no. Until today.
Actually I lost the belt and chewed up the SAFETY GUARD!! Hell I didn't even know it was POSSIBLE
for the mower to chew up the safety guard. I thought that was the whole point OF the safety guard!!

(11:30 p.m. Friday) I have decided to take Mike South up on his little challenge. I shall not mention cops on my main website journal
beginning August 5th, and going for two full weeks, up to and including August 19th.
At which point I WILL MAKE HIM buy me the url hottcops dot net because some jackass already
has the dot com. And THEN...THEN...well, then I'll pay him for it.

OMG!! This is too cute!!
And why the hell can't MY dog get a JOB??!! I'm surrounded by slacker kids and slacker pets....


Malnurtured Snay said...

I'd be happy if my fucking cats could empty their own litter box.

Goddess said...

I'm not settling for a clean litter box. I want them to be bringing in a pay check, damn it!