Tuesday, August 22, 2006

hope floats

Wanda Sykes, on guys who want to have sex with two women at the same time:
"If you can't satisfy one woman, why do you wanna piss off another woman?"

Come on, people. I know ONE of you mothers out there has to know where I can get my hands on Jesus backpack!!
I can't be the only woman on the planet raising a Jesus nut! Are there any "born again" women reading this?
I know they'd have their finger on the pulse of everything even remotely related to Jesus.

Female Offspring #6 is still pouting about the Miss Patater Tot loss.
She came in Second Spud, which I thought was great.
Now she's vowed to never eat potatoes again. Her siblings are very supportive of her feelings and
are encouraging her in her potato ban. Although I suspect
it has more to do with the fact that her not eating potatoes will leave more potatoes for them.
They're always good at figuring out that "what's in it for me" angle.

This morning I was cleaning the bathroom and after cleaning the toilet bowl, I flushed.
There must have been a clog somewhere in the line and the bowl started to fill up quickly. This happens a lot since we had to
have that stupid pump grinder installed. My sewer line goes around the side of the
trailer to the back yard, into the grinder, where it chews everything up then sends it UPhill to the main line. A brilliant idea
if ever I've heard one. So I wasn't too upset to see the water rising. However when it KEPT rising and
threatened to overflow onto the rug, instead of reaching for the plunger, I screamed, "No! No! No! Lord, NO!"
[Now you might think that showed an enormous amount of
faith in God on my part, but in all actuality, I couldn't find the plunger.]
Instantly the waters receded.
For a moment there I felt like a modern day Moses.
Like I, too, could part the (toilet) waters and I, too, could convince large amounts of people to walk in circles for years.
Then I thought, "Wait a minute. Toilet overflow prayers He answers instantly.
Yet He's too damn busy to answer years and years worth of my "please make me skinny and beautiful" prayers!"

Oh what screwed up priorities we have. Possible Jon Benet Ramsey killer John Mark Karr
came back to the U.S. drinking champagne and eating prawns. Lovely.
Probably ate better than the people on that plane who actually PAID for their ticket.

Ok, time for a serious subject. If you're ever at a restaurant and see the dish "foie gras" on the menu, before
you decide to eat it, you should know how the food industry is providing you with this so called "treat".
Foie gras is considered an expensive delicacy, but it's basically the diseased and greatly bloated liver of a duck or goose.
The animal is force-feed through a pipe that is thrust down it's throat and leads directly into it's gullet.
[I've seen a picture of this pipe and it's NOT a small pipe.]
This causes the liver to expand to more than TEN TIMES it's normal size. The bird is fed this way
two or three times a day for 2-4 weeks. The bird's suffering often results in painful bruising, sores,
organ ruptures and lacerations. During this time, the birds are also confined in cages, and not permitted to do
the things they love to do, like flying, swimming or foraging. A dozen countries have banned the production of foie gras,
and California passed a law to end production and sale by 2012. Chicago has also outlawed it's sale.
Just when I think some of mankind can't *get* any crueler....


Mushy said...

If you want the backpack, eBay has them. If you want the clips, go to http://www.catholiccompany.com/product_detail.cfm?ID=5707

On the toilet incident - when that happens to me I know it's time to go back on the fiber kick!

Goddess said...

"Go back on" the fiber kick??!! I can never get off of it! BTW, forget the expensive metamucil---unsalted peanuts...OY!

Only one problem with the Jesus packback: while it's cute as Hell--hang on till I make sure lightening isn't going to strike me for that.....ok, while it's as cute as the dickens, it says for ages "baby and pre-school." Male Offspring #5 is wee bit older than that. By about ten years....

Goddess said...

Oh and thanks for the links!

Mushy said...

Oh...peanuts are binding for me! More than you wanted to know - huh?