Wednesday, August 30, 2006

all the things she said running through my head

The humidity finally broke! Thank God. I'm tired of always having to wipe up a puddle of sweat every few minutes.

I didn't think it was possible but this afternoon I saw several segments of COPS (that's right, Mike, COPS!!) that I
hadn't seen before. And they weren't older than Jesus! The one featured hott, hott, HOTT Sergeant Tony Knox
from Des Moines, Iowa and the other featured sexy Officer Ernest Haragsin from Atlanta, Jawjuh. The second
segment contained all my favorite things: good looking cops, a trailer court and hicks. There was an argument between a 50-60 year old man,
who still lived with his mommy and his live-in girlfriend. You know it's sad when YOU live with your parents
at that age, but ladies, come on, you KNOW you've settled when YOU move in with his mommy, too, instead of insisting the deadbeat
get his own place. BTW, why is it that the people who don't own shit always have the huge guard dogs?
Another segment I hadn't seen featured mucho grande cutey
Officer Mark Smeltzer, but I didn't catch what city it originated from.

The trailer for the movie Crank looks interesting, stupid and exciting all rolled up into one.
It's the story of a guy who is injected with a Beijing Cocktail and from what I understand,
he has to keep his adrenaline going or he'll die.

Uh oh. John Mark Karr was arrested because authorties said that after months of conversations about
Jon Benet Ramsey, it was "clear he was obsessed." WTH? Just cuz you talk about something for months
and months and months, does not mean you're obsessed!
A fetish, perhaps, but an obsession? No way!

I saw a commercial yesterday for the Yellow Pages and it shows a chick pushing her
child in a wheel barrow. Underneath in small print, it says "do not attempt." Too late.
White trash folks find wheel barrows are much cheaper than strollers or baby carriages. And practical, too.
You can haul a load of bricks or wood AND the baby at the same time.
Us white trashers also like to use the tall, deep Bounty boxes for car seats. If you have to jam on the brakes, the baby won't fly out of the box,
they'll just roll around a little bit. You don't have to worry about the box flying into the front seat
either because it's so high it gets stuck on the back of the front seat. Raising kids is an expensive investment. Parents have to save anywhere they can.
As Bugs would say, "Wheeeeee!"

Mad TV had a funny segment were people had to apply for their porn star names, much like you apply
for a drivers license. They went to the Department of Porn Star Name Registration. Some of the names they
registered were: Penis DiMilo, George Pooney, Squirt Reynolds, SaDong Hussein, Hung Lo, Darth Invadeher,
Obi Come'On Bone Me, Winnie the Pooh Hole, Ronald McFondled, Sean Puffy Nipples, and Luke ThighWalker.

No comments: