Sunday, July 16, 2006

we got in trouble with the poleece man we got busted gettin' high in the back of my friends van

I'm so happy that Barbaro has had a couple good nights in a row. Personally I think it's all the well wishes.
So I'd like all of my readers to take a moment right now and say this little prayer,
"Dear Lord, please let Barbaro live a long and healthy life, please let Goddess be able to connect to
her stolen wifi at work more often, and please don't let Mr. G flip out when he sees the cost of the
anniversary ring Goddess picked out. Oh, and tell Jesus, Goddess did NOT mean to scream
His name in vein last night when she rammed her toe into the coffee table. Amen."

I have found the perfect gift to say "I heart you" to Mr. G for our twenty SIXTH (and counting...) wedding
anniversary: an ear and nose hair trimmer!
What guy wouldn't be estatic about getting one of those babies?!
While I'm on the subject of my twenty SIXTH (and counting...) wedding anniversary, I had the lucky opportunity to chat with Mother Goddess yesterday. This was right after one of my nieces dropped da bomb on her and if you know me well enough, you'll know what that bomb was.
(Or feel free to axe, I don't want to print it here. Lord knows my mother comes off as strange enough. Suffice it to say, my niece revealed something so horribly upsetting to my Catholic mother that she might as
well said, "Hey, Gram, I'm whoring around with the entire Pittsburgh Steeler football team.")
So that put her in a VERY argumentative mood. In other words, she was hunting bear.
She argued with me for almost ten minutes that it was only my twenty FIFTH anniversary.
She kept saying, "Are you sure? I don't think so. You're counting wrong." THEN she says the funniest thing of all, "Now
your sister is celebrating HER twenty SIXTH wedding anniversary."
I got married in July and the sister she is referring to got married in October OF THE SAME YEAR.
I didn't let her get to me, I knew she was just mad at my niece, so I was like, "WTH? Are you taking some sort of
drugs or did you guzzle down too much Communion wine at Mass?"
If I was having that same conversation with Mr. G's mother, I'd KNOW it was some sort of drug problem. She's a pill popper from a way back. A sloppy pill popper. It's not so much that you're a druggie, but learn to handle your drugs, people. When I took drugs, way back when my sperm donor o'the moment was making good money and I could afferd it, I was able to clean the trailer, wash the dishes AND breastfeed the offspring all at the same time because I knew how to handle my drugs. I wasn't a sloppy druggie like my MIL. I was the kind of addict you see on Dr. Phil. The kind that accomplishes so much in one day that you wonder why she's even THINKING about giving up the drugs.

There was an article in the city paper about WWE, which is coming to town.
One fan said this after saying that he didn't watch football because the outcome was obvious, "In wrestling, it's so unpredictable and that's entertaining. What's the point of watching something if you know the outcome?"
BWAHAHAHAHA. Which is more phony, people: wrestling or Pam Anderson's tits? Sorry, it's a three way tie.
Richard Freeman used to send Mr. G wrestling zines years ago that told EXACTLY who was going to win the bouts, as it's all decided beforehand.
The scary thing is these were not small children they were interviewing. They were...gawd, I'm so sorry to have to say this....adults.

Yay! I finally got to see Kathy Griffin's
premier ep from the second season and I got to see the Chief of Police Timothy Longo.
May I just say his picture does not do the man justice at all.

Then I watched the Whammy championship from like two or three years ago and
there was a chick on there that was talking exactly like Karen from Will & Grace.
Deliberately.
Let me say this: on Will & Grace, it's hilarious.
In "real life," it's FREAKING ANNOYING to hear a grown woman talk like a cartoon character cranked up on helium.

I have been back at Taebo for the last two weeks and today will be a real test of my femihood...or whatever
the hell the opposite of manhood is.
It's almost 90°, the humidity is darn near 300%, and the "real feel temperature" is the same as it is on the third level of Hell.
I have to go home at 6 o'clock and do Taebo. Ugh. I really have a hard time
exercising in the evening anyway, and the heat makes it so much harder to get motivated.
I always do best on an empty stomach and fifteen bottles of caffinated Diet Pepsi.

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