Thursday, July 13, 2006

she holds you captivated in her palm

I love the American Express commercial where the guy is in a jewelry store buying an engagement ring and
he is told his card is maxed out. His fiancee encourages him to call American Express. Notice she didn't say *either* of the following:
a. Sweetie, maybe we can't afford a ring this expensive?
b. Sweetie, I'm not marrying your broke ass.
Nope, like the good wife she hopes to become, she encourages him to max out yet another credit card.

Lurlene has problems with her son stealing so she dragged him over to my trailer to talk to me. Stupid bitch, mutter mutter. Anywho, I told the future jailbird about the time I stole a candy bar. I was about 8 or 9 years old and I stole a Powerhouse candy bar. My dad found out and he made me take it back to the store and apologize to the owner. I told the future cat burglar that I was incredibly humiliated about the entire episode. Lurlene said, "And you never stole again, right?" I said, "Don't be an idiot, Lurlene. Of course I continued to steal. I just got more clever about the WAY I stole. Now get you asses out of my trailer and DON'T STEAL ANYTHING ON THE WAY OUT!!" Once a thief, always a thief.

My one co-worker is always asking me what I'm having for lunch. (Why, I have no clue.) Anyway, it's been incredibly hot and humid here the last few days and apparently, it's only going to get worse. She said, "Since it's so hot out, I think I'm going to have soup. What about you?" SOUP??!! I'm going with cold fruit salad and she's having soup..ugh.

I saw an advertisement for a two CD set of Pink Floyd. The set is 4 hours long. That would be what? Three songs?

Ben Roethlisberger looked really well at the ESPY Awards ceremony.
I'm liking the new short haircut and goatee. Guys don't realize how SEXY that short hair really is. Ben looked sloppy last season,
but in this photo from the awards, he's looking mighty sharp and healthy.

I was watching my soaps yesterday and I saw a commercial for Hanes underwear featuring the Momix Dance Company doing all sorts of ungodly moves in their underwear. I can only ASSume the Hanes are glued to their butt cheeks because if I made ANY of those moves, I'd be digging my underwear out of the crack of my ass for a good five minutes. Ok, the first minute I had my fingers back there would be to dig my undies out, the remaining four would be cuz it just feels niiiiice.

Now that the time of our wedding anniversay is nigh upon us, I am once again campaigning for a new diamond ring.
A TWO or THREE carat diamond this time. Screw that ONE carat bullshit.
After 26 years of living in a one bedroom trailer with 16 kids, I totally deserve this.
Now you might say, "But, Goddess, why not put that $ towards a new trailer?"
And to that I say, "Don't be stupid!! And mind your own damn business!"
Besides, If we buy a new trailer, I won't have anything to bitch about.
You see, in essence, I'm being a good wife and giving
my husband a goal: a new trailer. It gives him a reason to keep working and striving
for the next 25 years. And who am *I* to take that away from him?!
Mr. G said, "Ok, you can pick out a new ring, BUT it counts as your anniversary,
Christmas and birthday gift.....for the next five years."
That's it. I am so buying him an uglee tie and a bottle of cheap, stinky aftershave.

My gf's husband is a big hunting nut, so she bought him a camouflage photo collage frame so she
could hang up some of his hunting pics. The only problem is that the frame is bordered in camouflage and
he's wearing camouflage in all the pics, so all I can see are his eyes. It's like playing the "find Waldo" game.
She's so damn proud of the pics, too. When I went over to the house, she was like, "Didn't these pictures come out GREAT?"
I said, "Ummm, I GUESS so."
I pointed out the pics to Mr. G, who said, "Where the hell is he?"
I said, "Right here, by this tree."
He said, "I'm pretty sure that's a bear. Or a string of trout."

I feel so bad about Barbaro. And yeah, I know he's "just" a horse to some, but I've been following the stories about him since his accident. He was doing really well until last week when he began running into more complications in his healing process, and now he has contracted laminitis in his left hind leg. The vet reported that it was "as bad as it gets" when talking about the disease. But trainers said his ears are up and his eyes are bright and he was eating well. How difficult it must be to contemplate possibly having to destroy a champion animal that has a healthy spirit but unhealthy body. Makes me sad thinking about it.


Mushy said...

I'm glad you didn't go any further in dissing Pink Floyd - that music is a religious experience to me.

Nothing like a dark room, a drink in your hand, watching the little red lights bounce on the stereo, and listening to the heart beat!

If you like'm, you need to get the "In The Flesh" DVD, and watch the guitar battle between Snowy White and Doyle Bramhall II (

Goddess said...

LOL...nah, I'm not really dissing them. It just makes me laugh how incredibly long their songs are.

Mushy said...

Understood completely, just wanted to raz ya a little.

Goddess said...'re not a HIPPIE like Ron, are ya, Mushy? LOL....

Mushy said...

Never been a hippie, but I likes my music - The Pink, Gov't Mule, North Mississippie Allstars, Black Keys, Jonny Lange, Allman Brothers (particularly now since Warren Haynes and Derek Trucks are the leads, and any kind of blues or blues based rock.