Friday, July 28, 2006

my good thing where have you gone

When we came home from the restaurant last night, my beloved Hoveround was MISSING.
That's right, MISSING, in case you missed all those caps the first time around.
The offspring said they hid my most coveted possession because they "cared about me"
and "wanted me to walk more" and "get more exercise." Ahh yes, the "E" word. How I hate thee.
I said, "Fine. I'll walk more. As a matter of fact, I think I'll walk right into your bedroom,
Female Offspring #3 and read your diary, especially the part about how you LUV Johnny Carlson, but not in THAT way. OR
perhaps I could walk into your bedroom, Male Offspring #2, and peruse the Playboys you have hidden under your mattress?
BTW, not very imaginative. That's the first place we moms look for porno.
Now Male Offspring #3, on the other hand, keeps his Chubby Chicks porn mags hidden underneath the carpet
beneath his dresser, which I find very to be very clever. Not ingenious, but clever."
I felt like Jesus scribbling sins in the dirt when the self righteous dudes were stoning the 'ho.
I even said, "Let he who is without secrets.....or porn, steal the Hoveround."
After a few seconds of that, my Hoveround magically reappeared and I rode off into the sunset...or the living room, whichever you prefer.

Oh and btw, YES! Eat 'N Park is a REAL restaurant. I think it's Pittsburgh based, but we have them
through out Western Pa and YES, they're sit down restaurants.
Good grief. You people ask me these questions as if you have visions of me pulling my Kia to Eat 'N Park, and some chick on roller
skates comes out and puts a huge rib on the roof of my car ala the Flintsones.

Speaking of my lovely Kia, I was watching Mad TV and the guy went into the garage to pick
up his "luxury" car and he said, "I'm here to pick up my Kia Sephia, it's the top of the line Kia, cost me $8,000 brand new."
LOL...I was rolling. But they were ten thousand, damn it.

I don't care how nice he PRETENDS to be, I would not let that GEICO gecko anywhere NEAR my offspring!
Babysit the kids, my ass.
And please. GEICO committed a mortal sin in their latest ads as far as I'm concerned.
They had the female chick interviewer FLIRTING with the damn gecko. Ok, what is it with ad execs that make them think it's ok to make
women look so fucking desperate that they'd hit it with an animal?? Remember Spuds McKenzie??
Oh yeah, chicks drooling over a fugging dog, desperate to be his DATE, because he was a "celebrity," and we all know bikini clad women
would do anything to be near a celeb, even if he was a damn dog.
That ad campaign pissed me off majorly.
And what about Joe Fucking Camel having an array of sexy girlfriends?! GRRRRRRRRR. Don't get me started!

Mr. G pointed out something I had written on my anniversary card this year.
I ended my thoughts with: "....and thank you for all the happy years."
ANY time Mr G refers to our married years, he ALWAYS calls them "glorious" years.
For instance, this year he said, "We had 26 glooooorious years together." He's done this ever since I can remember.
I'm not really sure how much of it is sarcasm, but I'm guessing a hefty 75% of it.
But anyway, he said, "You said 'happy years,' not 'glorious years'."
I said, "Well, they were "glorious" until Holly came along. Then they got downgraded to 'happy'."


Mushy said...

26, that's how long Ms. Judy and I have had...all glorious and happy. She is proof that if you keep on trying you'll eventually get lucky. 3rd times a charm!

Goddess said...

Dang, Mushy, I'm hoping the first time is a charm, cuz I'll never find anyone kooky enough to take me on again....;)