My favorite alarmist relative has sent me the latest email making the
rounds about the horrors of bacteria on the bottom ...*cue scary music here* ...OF OUR PURSES!!
According to the email:
"A study was performed on women's purses. A health team went to a local
mall and took samples from the bottom of 50 women's purses."
(And no, these were NOT the same people who come at you with swabs of perfume samples in WalMart parking lot
in order to drug you and steal your shit. Or possibly RAPE YOU!! These were PRO-FESH-I-NAL swabbers.)
"The purses were
swabbed with cotton swabs along the entire bottom of the purses and
placed into special containers. The swabs were then processed at a local
(Evidently a laboratory where the "scientists" don't have real jobs
and that's why they have plenty of time to screw around performing bullshit tests such as this one.)
"The Health Report also showed where women place their purses: public
restrooms (on the floor beside the toilet), kitchen counters & kitchen
tables, on tables & chairs in restaurants, etc. The results of the
laboratory tests contained the following most serious result: 1 out of 4
purses had E COLI
Other extremely serious bacteria also were listed, including Hepatitis."
The only things on the inside bottom of my purse are several loose coins
and a wad of hard candy that's been stuck together since the Beatles broke up.
Course stuck to the outside bottom of my purse is a used condom and a q tip containing a week's worth of my belly button lint.
No matter how hard I try I can't seem to scrape either one of them off. Besides, that condom might come in handy....again.
But seriously, reading this has scared me straight. I AM GOING TO STOP LICKING THE BOTTOM OF MY PURSE TODAY!!
(Well, tomorrow, since I've already had my Wednesday lickin'.)