Friday, July 07, 2006

got enough guilt to start my own religion

When I emailed Female Offspring #1 and showed her all the delicious--I mean INTERESTING
courses I wanted to take with her siblings, she
emailed back, "Is there a followup course called "How to Manage Diabetes at Age 10"?

Oh ewwww. I can't even IMAGINE how much this would have hurt. Not for the squeamish....

The offspring sent me a link to this quiz, and said if I got half of them right, they'd drop all this science and math class nonsense.
Well, well, well. Just so happens Mama got 10% of the questions correct. HA! I showed them. 10% is way more than half.
No stupid math or science classes for me. Look out cookies, here we come!

Well, damn. Now Bugs tells me that Kathy probably won't be walking the Red Carpet because "The only reality show
award that awarded live is the one for Competitive Reality, The Amazing Race, Survivor, etc." Well, that just blows.

The offspring and I are still going rounds about these summer college classes. Get this--they suggested SCIENCE CLASSES.
"The Science of Clouds" to be exact. Yeah, I need science classes like I need another vagina.
Besides, we all know how I *hate* science...and geography...and history...and math.
Damn. That Cookies From Around the World class is sounding better and better all the time.
This is the list of classes *I* want to take, and YES, these are all legit classes, I *SWEAR*:
1. The Cookie From Around the World one--it's yum-a-licious
2. "Chew On This"--we'll learn the history of chewing gum and taste test different brands
3. "Sweet Treats"--we'll learn to make a mouth watering chocolate pretzel "to die for," and trust
me when I say I'm more than willing to give up my life for anything chocolate at this point in time.
4. "Willy Wonka and The History of Chocolate" --fairly self explanatory and we'll learn to make "chocolate putty."
It can be "chocolate glue" for all I care, and I'll *still* guzzle it down.
5. "Charlotte's Web" where we'll learn to make a paper mache piggy bank.
Charlotte was one of my favorite books when I was just a little goddess.
Besides, I'm hoping they'll toss in a good baked ham recipe...
I like to consider myself a well rounded individual and
I was more than a tad disappointed there were no classes dedicated to peanut butter this year.
Now *this* is the Offspring's BOGUS list of choices:
1. "The Science of Clouds" --we'll learn about cloud formations.
Hey, if it's raining, it's cloudy, that's all I need to know.
2. "Oceanography"--we'll learn about underwater life and we'll compare water animals to land animals.
If they're wet 24/7, there's a fairly good chance they're water animals. End of discussion.
3. "Oobleck Matters"--I don't know who the hell Oobleck is or why it matters, but we'd be
learning the "three states of matter". I believe they are as follows: it does matter, it doesn't matter, and who gives a fuck if it matters?
How close am I, scientists?
4. "Let's Take A Hike"--unless we're hiking over to the Cookies From Around the World class, I think *NOT*
5. "Rocketry" where we'd learn to design and build gas pressured and water pressured rockets.
Oh, right. Like these kids need to know how to make *another* type of weapon to use against each other.

Bugs clued me in to the fact that Kathy Griffin's "Life on the D List" has been nominated for an emmy, so I checked out her competition.
This is it: Reality Program: "Antiques Roadshow," PBS--not much excitement going on there.
If Kathy loses to this show, she'll be on the D List FOREVER.
"The Dog Whisperer," National Geographic Channel--Damn him! Damn him to Hell!!! He might take her down.
"Extreme Makeover: Home Edition," ABC-- I *hate* these sorts of shows (sorry, Bugs) but I think this will be Kathy's greatest competitor.
"Penn & Teller: Bull----," Showtime---they're boring at best.
What cool irony: Kathy will be walking the Red Carpet that she wasn't even allowed to host the pre-show from!!!
It would absolutely kick ass if she won.
Also, I think her show is really funny. It's the best reality show I've watched to date, but
I will admit that by the time it's winding down for the year, I'm always glad to see it end.
Kathy talking about Kathy thinking about Kathy kvetching about Kathy faux dramatizing about Kathy tends to
get to me after awhile. Her show
is kinda like watching my blog come to life....only it's about her and she has money and a life, and I don't.
But I love her comedy stuff.


Mushy said...

Have you ever considered taking "Underwater Basket Weaving", as a PE course? It's in the same classfication as "Jock Physics" I think.

Goddess said...

Well considering Terry Bradshaw MAJORED in basket weaving, I think I'll pass....
Didn't seem to do anything for his intelligence and that IS what these summer courses are all about: raising my intelligence level.

Besides, ya can't eat a basket, Mushy!

(Ok they're about food...)

Mushy said...

Hey, I flunked the science quiz getting only 30%, but I did get 60% on entertainment!

Goddess said...

I thought it was rather difficult, but then I find all science tests rather difficult;) Unless it involves food...

Goddess said...

BTW, Mushy, don't feel too badly. If you work really hard, next time maybe you can get 10%, too, instead of that crappy 30%....