Friday, June 30, 2006

the dawn is breaking

This story certainly warms the COCKles of my heart. Iowa Senator Charles Grassley has come up with a brilliant plan to tax pimps. This is how it will work, according to the Senator, "For example, if a trafficker has failed to file W-2s for five women (employees), the maximum penalty would be 10 years in prison per failure to file, a total of 50 years." Oooo, I can just see the pimps now, all sharpening up their Number 2 lead pencils to fill out those W-2 forms. Press hard, three copies! Yes, I'm sure a trafficker is really going to concern himself with UPHOLDING THE LAW!!
No word on whether or not Senator Grassley thinks we should prosecute the pimps for the REAL crime they commit--wearing those gawdawful velvet pimp outfits.

I was watching an episode of COPS from Albuquerque and there were three young kids, one of which tried to pass
off a fake $20 bill. As soon as they saw the police, the older two boys started bawling, while the younger one continued to
bluff his way through his story of just finding the money on the floor. Then he told the cop he found it "down the road."
Even when the boy's mother showed up and explained
that he found it last week and she told him then it was no good. Guess which one has a life of crime ahead of him?
Oh, and damn it, the cop was really hot but I forgot to notice his name.

Speaking of COPS, you know the best thing about working on the Fourth of July?
THE FX COPS 18 HOUR MARATHON!!! BTW, that's the *only* good thing about working the holiday for the fifth damn year in a row!!

Score one for the ad agencies. They totally suckered me in. I was watching the noon news and they showed a commercial featuring a man and what appears to be his small grandson. They're playing hide and seek. The grandson yells, "Ready or not here I come," and when he turns to look for Grandpa, Grandpa comes out from behind the tree and swoops his grandson up in his arms. I'm like, "Awww, that is really sweet." Then the announcer says, "Nothing hides odors like Depends." Gross. BUT we all know that old men smell like urine.......and old women smell like Vicks VapoRub and moth balls.

You know what commercial REALLY annoys me? The one for Kellogg's Raisin Bran Crunch, where the boss keeps trying to fire the one employee. Apparently all this employee does is eat cereal at his desk and yet he get promoted and a raise. Go freaking figure. I want to know why Johnson's boss doesn't have the brains to scribble, "YOUR ASS IS FIRED" on a poster board and slap it in front of the dude's face? Doesn't matter how loudly he's crunching then.

Oh, lordy, I'm reading that Gayle King might be the one to replace Star Jones. Ugh. I am so glad I don't watch that show.
If she did get the job, can you imagine how many times she'd drop the name "Oprah" into the conversation in the course of a day?

I was reading an article in the morning paper about some groups that are pressuring the government to make it mandatory that girls be vaccinated against the sexually transmitted virus that causes cervical cancer. The Advisory Committe on Immunization Practices wants the girls to get the shots around the ages of 11 and 12, but say it can be given as early as the age of 9. And while the company that made the vaccine, Merck & Co, say it can "dramatically reduce" cervical cancer deaths, they aren't telling us what sorts of other problems the vaccine can create that weren't there to begin with.
Your sexual health is your personal business, and I think you should have the final say as to what goes into your body, not the government.

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