Friday, June 23, 2006

you expect me to just let you hit it

The Senility Prayer: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune
to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

One more reason to say "fuck Jenny Craig!":: Police in Omaha, Neb., report finding a man's pot stash hidden in a roll of stomach fat. Officers said they stopped the 5 foot 8 inch , 250-pound man because his car was blocking traffic. According to authorities, when an officer smelled marijuana in the car, he searched the man and found a baggie of the illegal weed. The secret ingredient in his maryjuana is love. And when I say love I mean lard.

I was bringing CP home from work yesterday and we were coming up a steep hill out of the city.
CP: "I was about to congratulate you for never wavering above the 25 mph speed limit
until I realized you were running the AC. You can't GO any faster can you?"
Me: "Nope. My foot has been to the floor the entire length of the hill."
CP: "Get a *real* car next time."

Despite the fact that someone could have been hurt, this story was just laughable. "One person was injured Wednesday morning in an officer-involved shooting in Sacramento's Curtis Park neighborhood, police said. The incident took place on Montgomery Way just after 4 a.m. when the driver of a green Kia attempted to hit officers with the vehicle, said Sgt. Terrell Marshall, spokesman for the Sacramento Police Department. Police opened fire on the car, hitting it several times.Officers attempted to effect a stop on that vehicle when that vehicle immediately made a U-turn in the roadway and came barreling at the officers," Marshall said. "The suspect intentionally rammed the officers' vehicle. Officers, fearing for their lives, fired upon the suspect vehicle.The man then got out of the Kia, Marshall said. Officers used a Taser gun to subdue him and he was taken to a local hospital for treatment."
I didn't need the press to tell me the dude was taken to the hospital, obviously he was mental. What IDIOT in their right mind would ram a police cruiser with A KIA????
When we hit that SUV going 15 mph our Kia folded faster than a house of cards and this twit is using his Kia as a battering ram?!
If there are any police reading this, and I sincerely doubt that, to end a chase involving a Kia, simply force the driver UPhill.
If it's a cold day, it'll be over in a matter of minutes. On a hot day, it'll be over in seconds.
And why must all Kias be GREEN? It's like the '88 Dodge Omni's. They were all either maroon or a light steel blue.

Last night was one of those nights when I wanted to get to bed early, but I decided I had neglected my "cop-ly" duty long enough and needed to watch last Saturday's COPS eps. While the tape was rewinding I got sucked into a Court TV show about girl who was missing and found murdered. A psychic offered clues about her killer and her whereabouts. THEN I got sucked into a show about Centre County, PA, DA Ray Gricar and three psychics offering clues as to his disappearance. He's been missing for over a year and I think he's been dead from the very beginning. IMHO, "tips" that he was seen with someone in different areas were just meant to throw the cops off of the trail until it went pretty doggone cold. At first, they felt he either killed himself or took off. If you were going to disappear, wouldn't you take your MONEY with you? I mean, seriously, I'm not going to hotfoot it off to Brazil and leave Mr. G *MY* millions. Ok, I'm not leaving him *MY* half of the $53. 82 in our savings account. I'll be taking it with me. That's a LOOOOOOT of diet Pepsi! Then when Gricar's laptop was found in a river sans hard drive...hello? Who didn't know he was dead at that point?
Anywho, the psychics say that it was drug related. That Gricar accidentally came across a name in another case and "people" felt he knew too much and had him killed.

If you don't live in PA you haven't seen this commercial, but I love it. It's put out by the Pa Dept of Health to warn young kids that they will be carded when they try to purchase cigarettes. This young kid walks into an (in)convenience store and asks for some cigarettes. Beside him is a young black girl gabbing on her cell phone. All of a sudden she stops talking and stares at something behind him. He turns around to see he's surrounded by rabbits. He says, "Hey, what's with the rab--" and the rabbits
drag him to the ground and you see the fur flying.
Then the voiceover dude says, "If you try to buy cigarettes, you might not get attacked by wild rabbits, but you will get carded." It's a hoot.

My yardboy Manuel was bitching yesterday that it was "too hot and humid" to cut the grass. I said, "Chop, chop! Get out there and
earn your $2 an hour or I'll make one of the offspring do it for $1 an hour!"
Hey, if I can ignore the immigration laws, I can ignore the child labor laws.

I was watching an old COPS ep and this one lady's pit bull attacked and killed another lady's dog. As the dog officer was dragging the pit bull
away, the owner said, "You were a bad boy." Yeah. That's putting it rather mildly.

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