Thursday, June 15, 2006

they say i'm lazy but it takes all my time

I was reading up on the Justin Barber trial. They were showing the trial yesterday on Court TV, and I
had the channel on while I was exercising, so I was interested in what it was all about.
Now here's one really important piece of advice that I'd like to give the ladies: NEVER, EVER allow your husband to purchase a huge life insurance policy on you. Only let him purchase as much as it will take to bury you. BUT always make sure you take out a big policy on him. That's the way it is with Mr. G and I. I have so little life insurance, that I can honestly say I never worry that he might kill me in my sleep. Hell if he does, he'll go into debt burying me.
And that's if he buries me in the backyard next to all of our dead cats.

What's all this bullshit I'm seeing on the front of the Enquirer and Star saying that Angelina's brat belongs to someone else? Loyal rag readers, lemme know!
I was running late for work this a.m. and didn't have time to linger at the check out.

I know this is going to send a lot of my long time readers---all five of you---into an emotional "did I ever really know this woman"
sort of turmoil, but here goes. Guess what my favorite snack is? I'm like TOTALLY ADDICTED and keep a bowl of them
beside my computer and on my jigsaw puzzle work table all the time. Try not to freak: cherry tomatoes. Yes, something that's actually HEALTHY.
But not to worry because I'm sure they've been sprayed with a bunch of unhealthy chemicals and pesticides and are probably killing me faster than chocolate ever could.

I know my TracFone is ghetto, but damn. I turned on my phone this morning and found about 15 text messages some from the first week of this month!
And several of which I didn't even recognize. So ya know if ya text message people ya might want to add your name to the message.

I always have to laugh when guys say "you give good directions" like it's right up there with "you give good head."

I never realized one could study "three steps to DSL" for so many hours. BUT I think I have it. Let me go over it with ya. First I put the dsl filter phone thingies in all my phone jacks. I put the computer modem phone cord into the router and the other end into the phone jack thingy, and hook all my phones back up. Then I hook the desktop modem to the router and the router to the ethernet card. Then I plug the router into the wall. Then I run the installation CD in both computers and secure it by making it password protected and I *should* be in bidness. I keep going over it because only *I* can turn 3 easy steps into 15 oh, so complicated ones. It's like when I drive to Picksburgh to see Female Offspring #1, I go over and over the route in my head the night before. Makes for a lousy night's sleep. South was trying to go over the steps with me, too. Funny thing is when he went over them with me, every step sounded like, "Let that guy hook it up for you. Seriously, let him do it."

Always the entrepreneur. There was a woman cooking and selling fried chicken across the street from Mercy Hospital in Pittsburgh where
Ben Roethlisberger was recouperating. Smart woman. She knew the press were hanging out there 24/7. I'm sure some industrious soul
was selling commemorative t shirts too. "Ben Roethlisberger wrecked his motorcycle and went to the hospital. All I got was this lousy t shirt..."

Sigh. Why do things rarely turn out to be as yummy as they sound? Alex was talking about going to a TesFest and immediately I thought, "OMG!! A testicle festival! What a fantastic idea!" I instantly envisioned men walking around with their testicles hanging out while complete female strangers---much like myself--would casually "reach out and touch someone". Ok, now I'm getting all worked up. But what a FAB idea. So much better than one of those stupid motorcycle rallys our city is always having.

Ok, calling all you old tv fanatics. Do you remember the Andy Griffth show? Do you remember
Andy and Helen getting married, and having a baby cuz I sure as hell don't? My boss loves that show and she bought a book on the series and
they had an episode in which Andy and Helen get married and later have a baby. Mr G was like, "No way. I watched that series from beginning to end. Those have to be the "lost episodes." I know we watched it when I was little and I recall a lot of the eps when I see them now, but I never remember Andy and Helen marrying.

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