Sunday, June 18, 2006

come on baby let the good times roll

Yesterday while I was in the midst of trying to get my Dazzle to work, I received an email from Eric. At the time, I was pissed, upset and more than a tad frustrated about not being able to get my software to work properly. Anybody who uses a computer any amount of time knows how frustrating The Beast can be.
Eric said I had no right to criticize Mary Kay LeTourneau's husband for his improper use of English, because I then incorrectly used the words "lay" and "lie." I zipped off the email, "I don't give a shit. Was that the proper usage?" and then followed with "That was a rhetorical comment" because Eric has a slight tendency to argue long past the point where anyone cares about why he's right and I'm wrong. Of course he immediately answered back with the fact that he was calling me out as a hypocrite.
I wasn't happy with my angry response because it was immature and people have a right to their opinions. The anger of the moment fueled my response more than my true feelings.
So I'm going to post Eric's email and then I'm going to get a few things off of MY chest. This was his first email:
"3. Mattress model – lay down on the job and get paid for it."
I think there's another job that pays better for that. Btw, that 's LIE
down on the job – you're not in a good position to be criticizing
someone else's English (i.e., Mary Kay LeTourneau's husband)."
And this is his response to my email:
"You said maybe he'd have better English if he'd spent less time having
sex with his teacher and more time studying English. But lots of
teenagers have girlfriends and still manage to have good grades, so that
inference makes no sense. Besides, if you weren't sexing up your teacher
and STILL have bad English, that just means you have less excuse than he

I don't normally correct people's English, but count on me to call them
out on hypocrisy. And calling a question "rhetorical" won't buy you a
free ride, when there's actually an answer to be had."

Let me begin this by saying that I am not angry about Eric saying what he did. I was angry that
I couldn't get the damn software to work and his email arriving when it did, didn't help, as Eric is one of those people
who doesn't hesititate to tell me what I've written that is "wrong" in his mind. But it's really an exercise in futility on his part.
I already have a mother who fills that position quite nicely, thank you.

I write an enormous amount every week, and never really realize that until I'm searching through my stuff trying to find something, and I do it because I love to write. I try to find the funny side of serious things, and I'm sorry, but if you don't find it funny that someone who has been sexing up their teacher for years doesn't even speak English properly, well, perhaps that stick is just too far up your ass to matter. And of course, you didn't find it funny because you were too busy trying to find a mistake within my work, so you could be right once again.

Writing is the one thing I could do 24 hours a day and not get paid for it, which brings me to point one: you're not paying me to write this site, Eric. When you hand me a book contract, I'll worry about correct usage and phraseology. And the fact that you went through my stuff and ONLY came up with the incorrect usage of "lay" and "lie" is making me feel pretty damn good right about now. It's a beautiful day in Pennsylvania!
Second point, if you think you "don't normally correct people's English," think again. You're constantly correcting. Scroll up the page a tad where it says, "The opinions on this page are my own---get your own damn opinion!" because that pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject.
Did I misuse "lay" and "lie"? Probably. If that makes me a big ole hypocrite, so be it, then I'm a big ole hypocrite.
It's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last I misuse those terms.
And guess what? Sometimes I--GASP!!!--misuse "set" and "sit."
But I'm not alone. Check out pages 140-142 of the Instant English Handbook, Eric, and you'll find two pages on the subect of "lay" and "lie."

So you called me out as a hypocrite, and now I'm calling YOU out as a hypocrite, Eric, and let me tell you why. In all the time that you've been emailing me, you've never once enclosed the URL to YOUR site. Is that because, as I suspect, you don't have one? Or because you don't want anyone to comment on your thoughts? It's easy to stand by the side of the pool and make fun of the way everyone else is swimming, It's a lot harder to jump in and run the risk that someone might make fun of YOU.
It might not look like it to you or anyone else, but I spend an enormous amount of time on my site, trying to find different things to talk about and trying to keep it fresh.
I try to update every day and I try to make people laugh because that's what I enjoy, and I've been doing that on a fairly consistent rate for over five years now. Do I fail at times? Hell, yes, but *I'M* trying, Eric. So when you've written and posted as much as I have, there are bound to be times that I contradict myself or make mistakes, but like I said, at least I'M MAKING THE EFFORT. I'm not standing by the pool making fun of everyone else.
I believe it was Dr. Mike Murdock who said, "Never spend more time on a critic than you would on a friend," and that having been said, I'm finished here.

Father's Day is upon us.
Quiz Time: What does Goddess hate the most about Father's Day?
A. Having to work?
B. Having to miss the Goddess Family Picnic consisting of 16 offspring and 2 fathers because the 14 other fathers are still in maximum security prisons or rehab?
C. Having to make that painful "Happy Father's Day" call to her own father which always
lasts two excruciatingly looooooooooong seconds, and ends with "I'll put your mother on the phone"?
4. Having to abstain from that delicious Father's Day cake shaped like a necktie?
E. Having no personal claim to Father's Day because she doesn't have a huge schlong?
The answer is, of course, "C"..............and "E."
I want a huge schlong of my own, damn it!!!! And one that isn't made of latex!!!
I just think it would be so fun to play with it whenever I wanted AND I could pee without squatting. I could pee with
my pants on and not have to deal with the rapidly spreading wee wee stains.
Hmm, I wonder if I have penis envy or pee envy?

I purchased Dazzle, a digital video creator from Pinnacle and I gotta say, in the six years or so that I've been
using the computer, I have NEVER had a problem with installing software from a product CD....until now.
Dazzle comes with 2 cd's: the installation cd and a studio in studio cd. I have tried to install that
friggin' studio in studio four times and every time I do I get a "components transfer" error. GUH!!!!!
THEN I thought, "Ok, I'll hook Dazzle up to the VCR and see if I can transfer COPS to the computer and Windows kept fucking shutting it off.
It gave me a Data Protection Error and I made the necessary changes it said to make there, but it still kept shutting it off. Fuggit.
It's going back. The only thing that worked right on that was the friggin' UNinstall.
Now that I found a really EASY screen shot program, "Capture by George"--yes, Jenn, I FOUND ONE!!!---I don't know how to get
the vids to the computer. Eh. I'll probably have to buy them as DVD's.
I. OFFICIALLY. QUIT. so that I can now write the book, "How To Waste Four Hours of Your Saturday Trying To Get A Single ScreenShot."


Ron Southern said...

Is this the same old Dazzle program with patterns, colors, and swirlies that would stupefy an acid freak and Blitz out a pot smoker? Yours must be mighty updated from the free version I downloaded 3 or 4 years ago! It was not much trouble, I don't recall. Old things don't die, they just become more fucking complicated!

Goddess said...

FREE???!! Don't tell me that, Ron, I paid $46 for this thing!

I guess it has the patterns and swirlies, I never got that far! Basically I'm looking for a program that will allow me to transfer my COPS on VHS to my computer. Capture By George seems fairly easy to use to get screen shots, but it's the transfer of tapes that has me baffled. I thought Dazzle would help me do that, like it says in the description, but all it's doing is shutting down my Winders:(