Wednesday, May 17, 2006

plug in the black light rosary

I love this excerpt from "The Pimp Game": "The game (pimping) is god-sent. The Lord gives us pimps and hos for pimps to feed off of,
the same way the Lord provides the world with predators and prey."
Oh, yeah I remember that from the Bible. And on the eight day the Lord said, "Let there be pimps and let there be ho's for the pimps to feed off of. Oh, yeah and let their be Ding Dongs, too..."
I especially love the way the author of this book would have you think that manipulating and using people was also a gift from God,
and that being a pimp is tantamount to "helping yourself," as in "God helps those who..."

I just do not understand women sometimes. Last week, my gf broke up with her boyfriend of four years. The guy was an absolute overbearing JERK.
Every time she'd call and want to do something we were either "busy" or "working." We went out with them exactly twice and that was two times more than enough. He'd talk about things and when you'd give your opinion, he'd say, "I don't care what you say, I think blah blah." After about the fourth time of him saying that to me, I said to my husband, "I am NOT wasting my time talking to some dill hole who doesn't care what I say or think. What's the point?" Not like my husband was arguing, he kept giving me "The Look". "The Look" generally means one of two things: "make up some damn excuse, I'm ready to go home NOW!' and/or "you so owe me ten blow jobs for making me sit through this fiasco." If I'm having a good time, I'll pretend I don't see "The Look," but trust me I was waiting for it the last time we were out. The minute we sat down at the table a feeling of "why did I agree to this?" washed over me in tidal waves. And I only agreed because she kept asking and I kept making excuses. Then she'd say, "Of all my friends, he likes you the best." Yeah, that's "chick code" for everybody else refused to have anything to do with him and now you're down to me...sigh.
So after breaking up with him and talking about what an obnoxious pig he was blah, blah, she
then adds, "I'll never find another man like him." WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT ANOTHER MAN LIKE HIM??!
So I asked her that very question and she said--say it with me, gurls, you know the drill--"because I LOVE him."

HELP!!! If anyone on the planet has found an anti-frizz product that REALLY REALLY works PUHLEEZE tell me what it is! I am so tired of shelling
out money for these serums and gels that don't work. Well they work AT FIRST. Then twenty minutes later, my hair looks fly-away again. SamySilk works kinda ok, but if you put too much on it looks like you haven't washed your hair since Jesus was in diapers. Most of them tend to flatten the hair.

WW sent me a pic that I can't post here. Check it out on my main blog.

I think the hardest lesson Holly has yet to learn is : no matter how delicious and tempting the cats look, we don't eat family.

There's an article on MSN called "12 Things to do Before You Become Pregnant." It lists such things as: talk to your spouse about it--which might be a nice idea , get your teeth checked, make out a baby budget, get disability insurance, find out your family tree and get smart with your own health.
Now here is my list of things you should do before you become a parent:
1. Load up on sleep. Once the baby comes, you won't be getting any. And neither will the baby.
2. Get rip roaring drunk and/or high --once you get pregnant, liquor will cost more. After all, you'll be drinking for two.
3. Enjoy going to the bathroom with the door shut. Sure, you laugh at the simplicity of it, but
once those critters start comin', you'll regret not doing it.
4. Take long baths, again with the door closed. Once baby comes, you'll miss not being
able to slip into the bathtub without hearing "MOMMY!!!"
5. Have sex. Lots of LOUD SEX. You won't be having either of those once the baby comes.
6. Take a good long look at your feet. Once you get pregnant, you won't be seeing them for several months.
Now you can more clearly see why women the world over want kids. They make your life so much more...well, miserable.

1 comment:

Sue said...

Love the WW pic -- too freakin funny -- I would be nervous though if someone said the picture reminded them of me LOL but then again.....Thanks for visiting my site -- your blog is fantastic and about to get linked :)