Sunday, May 14, 2006

i'm walking on sunshine and don't it feel good

Wow. Dogs are so different to have around when you're sick. The cats glare at me disdainfully and
give me that "SICKEE!" look, but Holly is actually a comfort. I was sitting up this morning and she was laying on the floor
by my side. I said, "Holly, my stomach doesn't feel good at all." She got up right away and came over to me.
First she *very gently* offered me her paw, then she put her chin on my knee and looked up at me like, "now what do we do?" Dang. I was kinda hoping *she* had some ideas....

WORDS OF WISDOM: "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal in women.
Among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL." Lynn Lavner

Hey, all. I'm back from a lovely Mother's Day. I used to think the most wonderful thing about Mother’s Day was getting those 16 cakes, but now I realize it’s having the love of my children. No, no, it isn’t. It’s those DAMN CAKES WHICH I DIDN’T GET THIS YEAR!! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Ok, I’ve gotten it all out of my system, I promise. Back to the offspring. I haven't even had a chance to read what they wrote, but I’m sure they did a much better job than those twits over at Family Circus did. And
what are the chances that THREE of my kids would want to sing my praises? Then the girls said they added something. Hell, I'm probably the only mother in the blog world who had that many kids offer to write a tribute to her. Course I’m probably the only mother in the blog world that has sixteen kids. Hmm, unless that Duggar chick has a blog. Nah, she wouldn’t have the time. She’s too busy cranking out more kids and being a “good mom.“ Blech. I have a couple things to talk about then, I'll check it out. bI'm sure the offspring were highly complimentary.

I was reading an article on MSN about a woman who decided as a teen to keep her baby. She said her parents did most of the work in the beginning, her job was to do well in school and "enjoy the baby." Her mother did the babysitting all day and her dad earned the money to support them. When it was time to go to college, she chose an expensive school three thousand miles away, instead of a local school her parents wanted her to attend. When her parents told her they couldn't afford it--get this--she asked to see their tax returns and told them where they could make cuts to meet their parental obligation. Excuse me?! I would have told her to shove the damn application you know where. Talk about an arrogant teen. But what really got me about the article was when she said this, "My daughter and I moved to Connecticut when I was 18, and, except for brief visits back, I have never gone home again." She’s 30ish now. Nice. Especially after all the help and support she'd gotten from her mother and father to begin with. I honestly don't know what the purpose of the article was but she just came off looking so selfish, despite the fact that she said she wasn't the best mother at times. I think it was because while she seemed to show regret about the way she raised her daughter at times, she never showed a bit of regret about not going back home again.

Since I started taking melatonin I am sleeping sooooo much more soundly at night. That waking up at 2 or 3 am and being wide awake was the pits! Now I take Relora with the melatonin and BAM! I'm OUT. What I like about that combo is that it doesn't leave me
feeling hangover-ish in the morning like Valerian Root seems to do.

I saw this on an adult internet site: " First: The transaction is secured. This means that date travel crypted
from your computer to the billing system. Second we do not know your credit card number.
IBill our bank partner is the only to know this information. IBill is a well known,
majoc actor on internet billing system. We choosed it because it is safe for you."
They go on to say they never sell information because, "Your privacy is our first though."
Hmm, for some odd reason none of this inspires me to turn over my hard earned cash, let alone my cc info.

LOL. I read a news article saying Polish tv is banning all “racy ads” even those that “hint at sex” while the Pope is visiting. That’s like saying, “Hey, everybody! Jesus is at the front door! Quick! Hide all the booze and porn until He leaves…”

OH. MY. GAWD. I just read Male Offspring #5's "mother's day" comments about Jesus. I am so sorry! I specifically told him to reign in the religious stuff since the majority of my readers are heathens and/or pornographers. But I'm sure it can only get better from there...
Ok onto Male Offspring #4. Oh crap, twine again. The boy sleep, eats and apparently daydreams about twine. I probably should have laid off the alcohol when I was pregnant with him. I’m really seriously going to consider it if I get pregnant again.
I’m not too concerned, though, because Male Offspring #1 has always been one of my staunchest support--that little son of a lifer! I am soooooooo losing the keys to his 1983 station wagon! He knows damn well I have NEVER made them say I was dying of tuberculosis!
That is a blatant lie! It was lung cancer.
God only knows what the girls said about me. They hate me on the *best* of days. Hmm, Female Offspring #4 is definitely getting that bike, even if I have to force her old man to skip one of his support checks to his *other* kids. She deserves it! Female Offspring #5’s response comes as no surprise. She despises the entire planet. Female Offspring #3’s response is typical, too. She often tells me she wishes she lived alone on a remote island. That idea sounds better and better every time I hear it.
Female Offspring #2 isn’t getting her share of food stamps for the month. She can live off her clever repartee.

In my defense let me say this: It's not easy being me.
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water or---oh wait a minute.
That's Kermit the Frog's "It's Not Easy Being Green." Never mind.

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