Monday, May 08, 2006

hey everybody! we're all gonna get laid!

Writing in my daily journal has been something that I've always enjoyed doing. Before the computer, I used paper and pen, writing down my thoughts, not feeling the need to be right or wrong. Hell, I'm not even feeling the need to worry about facts. After all, it's my journal, not some Pulitzer Prize winning writing that I'm getting paid for. But, over the weekend it occured to me that if you're one of those people who feel the need to
constantly pick apart everything bloggers say as if they're in some sort of writing contest and you're
the sole judge (and jury), then it might be time for you to get a blog of you own and put your own thoughts down on the net so people can begin telling you what they think of your writing.

At the beginning of Worlds Wildest Police Videos, John Bunnell
says "I travel all over the world to find the wildest police videos..." Yeah, sure ya do, John.
But that *would* explain the funky "tan".

I like the advertising slogan for one local hospital: "We treat you like family." That's weird.
No one in my family ever charged me $650 a day to sleep in one of their beds....

How un-bear-able. Did you know that Beijing charge U.S. zoos a rental fee of $1 million dollars
each year for a pair of pandas? They also charge an extra $600k for every cub born here.
The "panda tax" nets them over $4 million dollars each year. Here's another interesting tidbit: pandas cost five times more in upkeep
than the elephant, the next most expensive animal. Ya know what amazes me about bears? The fact that they get so incredibly BIG eating nuts and berries and plants like bamboo. Wait. Do bears eat nuts? Eh, I've never worried about getting the facts right before, why start now?

I was checking my voice mail at home from work today and I got a message from my gf who said, "Call me back IMMEDIATELY!!" in her "I'm pissed" tone of voice. Now usually when I get these kinds of calls, be it from her, other friends, offspring, my parents, husband, I always hesitate. I mean if they're in a pissed off mood, why do *I* want to talk to them? And are they pissed off about something *I* did? Because then I *really* don't want to talk to them. I waited a good hour then called her back. The conversation went something like this....
Me: "What did you want?"
Her: "You and those DAMN cops!"

Me: "What?"
Her: "I said you and those DAMN cops! They stopped me on the way to work and gave me a ticket for going 35 in a school zone."
Me: "Ok, exactly how would me DISliking the police change the outcome of that scenario?"
Her, still deep in her 'I've been wronged' mode: "It's BULLSHIT."
Me: "Well, were you going 35 in a school zone?"
Her: "That's not the point! He could have given me a warning."
Me in my 'I've totally zoned out on this conversation' mode: "Whatever you say..."

They were discussing the book, "The Scorecard: How To Fix Your Man in One Year or Less" on the Today Show. This is exactly the sort of thinking that gets women in trouble. The blurb says, "Have you ever found yourself wondering What happened to the man I fell in love with? and How can I get him back?" To me, that's the problem in a nutshell. Rarely is the man we fell in love with the REAL man. We fantasize and idealize and ignore even their most blatant of faults, because "we're in looooooooove." When we're married to them and living with them, reality hits and then we feel we have to "fix" him. If you have an overwhelming need to "fix" someone, work on yourself. Trust me, it'll be a lot less stressful.

Bugs' writes: "The Cincy Reds were actually called the Redlegs and then were shortened to the Reds. Then during the McCarthy era, they went to the Redstockings. Then later, back to the Reds. At least, I think that's the timeline. I know they used all of those names at one point or another, but I may have mixed up the order.They were also the first professional baseball team in the United States, that is why they ALWAYS play at home on Opening Day."
Hmm, interesting. I didn't know any of that. But smart move on their part to change that "Redstockings" name...LOL.
Bugs then adds: "BTW--I could kick your ass at Jeopardy any day of the week and twice on Sunday. :)"
Gurl, a FOURTH GRADER could kick my ass at Jeopardy any day of the week and twice on Sundays...

I thought the diet industry was mean and cruel when it insinuates that we women aren't thin enough or good enough, but WOW the latest Nutri System ads REALLY do a number on the guys. The guys are saying things like, "My sex life is back!" and "My sex life is better than ever now!" And did you see that Zora chicks new Nutri System ad, the one in which she features her toddler daughter. The child has like five hairs and they've pulled them all to the top of her head Alfalfa style. Who would do that to their kid?! You just know that kids going to require extensive therapy.

Ooooooooo, I got a Final Jeopardy question right immediately yesterday!! (Doesn't take much to excite me.) The question concerned major baseball league team names. The question was "They got their name in 1890 when they stole a major player from another team." I'm all "THE PITTSBURGH PIRATES!!" I mean, who else? Sure the Cardinals could peck your eyes out or the Giants could kick your ass, and the Astros could......could...what the hell IS an astro anyway? The point is none of them were thieves or "pirates" stealing the booty.
The one guy said, "The Red Sox" because of Babe Ruth. The worst the Red Sox could do is smell like feet.
It was cool to stumble across this question because I've often wondered how the Pirates got their name and even Mr. G didn't know.


Sodapop said...

I must reply about the baseball thing...The Red Sox TRADED Babe Ruth to the Yankees...somewhere in the teens (you know - 1913, 1914, 1915) somewhere around there. That jeopardy dude thought it happened in 1890? hahaha I'm sorry, I find that quite funny hahaha

Goddess said...

Awww, come on, SP. You know doggone well the Babe was playing baseball in the 1890's!

BTW, just saw cutie Bob Kinch in the epsiode where he's holding a baby...awwwwww.