Wednesday, April 05, 2006

you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

What is this strange phenomenon that is arising within the trailer court? The last time I checked eggs did not grow on trees and they sure as hell didn't grow on Evergreen trees. Enough of this stupidity!! I wonder if there's any connection between these trees and bushes springing up and Male Offspring #6 suddenly having a drawer full of plastic Easter eggs? Nah, I'm sure it's a coinkydink.

You will not believe the phone call I got this morning. There I was, laying on the couch, peanut butter cup wrappers to the left of me, Ding Dongs to the right. And when I say Ding Dongs I'm referring to the snack cakes, not the offspring. The phone rings and the lady on the other end of the line says, "Mrs. XXXXXX, I wanted to confirm once more your participation in this year's WALK-A-THON for Breast Cancer..." She said a bunch of other stuff but my mind went completely blank the minute I heard the word "WALK." I'm like, "HUH? WALK a what now?" She went on to explain that people walk for SIX MILES and they get pledges from people--so much $ per mile, then they collect it and turn it in to the charity. I said, "You FORCE people to WALK. You make them use their legs?! Is that even legal??" But alas, after a quick phone call to the local police department, it is indeed legal. I called the chick back and explained that obviously someone had written my name down as a sick joke and as soon as I find out which offspring it was THEY would be partaking in the WALK-A-THON.

I can see that Hollywood Mom Courtney Cox is teaching her daughter all about the important things in life, from this quote she gave People magazine, in which she talks about her 20 MONTH OLD daughter, (Cuckoo for) Coco (Puffs): "She's a girly girl. She likes purses and makeup and she's definitely going to care about what she wears."

I'm yakking with South this afternoon and we started talking about movies. He mentioned that he has a collection of like TEN THOUSAND mainstream movies. Good freaking grief. This is MY collection of movies: Prancer, Madonna's Ciao Italia that Richard Freeman was nice enough to send me and I've watched it like 50 times, I love it. Then I have my porn collection of John Leslie and Mike South vids, some Mike South DVD's and some black guy/white chick DVD's that again, Richard Freeman was nice enough to send me. That's IT. I've been wanting to buy the entire Ghost and Mrs. Muir tv show on DVD, but that's like $80 and it's the only series I've ever really wanted to own. Yeah, I had a crush on Edward Mulhare--the Captain. I also wanted to buy "A Season of Miracles," the movie about a chick who takes her sister's children and runs away to Bethlehem and meets up with a..........sigh........police officer, but when I checked last Christmas, it was still $39, which is too much for a movie that's been out for ages. Right now I'm feeling INCREDIBLY DEPRIVED!! (And I feel like a perv, too, when I have all these XXX vids).

One of our neighbors is getting sentenced next week for vehicular manslaughter while driving drunk. I was telling Mr. G that the newspaper article was hinting at him getting house arrest rather than jail time. Mr. G said, "You'd be in hog heaven if you had house arrest, wouldn't you?" I said, "Damn straight. I wouldn't even have to make excuses to my mother as to why I couldn't visit."

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