Sunday, April 09, 2006

i keep gettin richer but i cant get my pichure on the cover of the rolling stone

Charlize Theron has stated that she will not get married until all gay and lesbian
couples are also permitted to marry....or until someone actually asks her, whichever comes first.

A retired AT&T technician is claiming that in the San Fransisco offices of the communications company
is a secret room that is used by the U.S. National Security Agency to read millions of our emails and watch internet traffic. Wow.
I hope they at least got a laugh out of all those stalking emails I used to send Mike South. No wonder I get so many hits from
the U.S. gubment every month!

I was watching the news this morning and they had a story on pork barrel spending. Ted Stevens of Alaska gets $325 MILLION for his state. Some of the stupid projects the government wastes money on? $550 thousand dollars went to the Museum of Glass in Tacoma,Washington, and $500 thousand dollars went to a freaking tea pot museum in Sparta, North Carolina. Although in Sparta's defense, they're sure this teapot museum is going to "revitalize the local economy." Yeah, I'm sure people all across the country are now changing their vacation plans and penciling in Sparta, North Carolina.
Now here's the interesting/sadly ironic thing: the story right before this one was one about the people in St. Bernard's parish, who are angry about not having homes yet. They fought the police yesterday until police finally gave up and allowed them into their apartment complex, despite the fact that police felt it was unsafe. How sad is that? The government has wasted millions on worthless endeavors when all that money could have gone towards helping our own people who are in desperate need of a roof over their heads. Granted that's probably not nearly as important as some friggin' tea pot museum....

What a rip. Skippy has a new "natural" peanut butter that doesn't need mixing. If you don't know what "natural" peanut butter is, it's that stuff that always has a gross amount of oil at the top of the jar. It's supposed to contain only peanuts and possibly salt to be considered "natural." Skippy has ADDED SUGAR in theirs, plus some sort of added oil. That is not natural. To date, Smuckers still has the best natural peanut butter I've ever found, but if someone has an easy way to mix this damn stuff, I'd sure like to know what it is. Ugh.

Congrats to Hugh Hefner, who turns EIGHTY today. Hef says he feels better than ever and perhaps "80 is the new 40."
Only if you're 120, Hef....

Still on my quest to find the perfect dildo, I was searching through the sex toys on
Amazon.com. One of them was a "lighted green apple vibrator."
Unless I'm dating a gynecologist, I do not want ANYBODY looking up my hooch with a light!
And I'm sure Mr. G will thank me for that decision...

I just saw an ad for a great idea. They're called privacy filters and you slide it over your laptop
screen so you can see the screen but others cannot. You can find them here.

The other day when I had a chiropractor appointment, I was in a hurry to get ready and I accidentally grabbed the stupid Made in China bra that the gurls keep falling out of. It has hooks in the front and everytime I flipped over, I could feel a couple of the hooks opening. Now this problem was only compounded by the fact that I was wearing a thin WHITE shirt. By the time I was done flipping (and flopping), my bra was held in place by ONLY the top two hooks and the "gurls" were clinging desperately to their respective cups, like drowning people clutch life rafts. Luckily I've had some experience with this sort of thing before--thanks to those FLAT CHESTED CHINESE WOMEN, I've had more experience than I care to think about!!--so I did the casual neck rub and the throat rub and even the opposite elbow rub, all designed to keep the tits covered. Ugh. I am burning this sucker in protest!! American boobs need American bras!!! Ditto for American asses.

I forgot to mention yesterday that the funniest part of my phone call to the monkeys in Tech Support yesterday when I couldn't get my modem to dial up on the phone was when the woman said, "Ok, now that we've restored your system, you try to connect. I'll hang on the phone while you do that so we can see if it worked."
I said, "How's that going to work exactly?"
She said, "What do you mean?"
I said, "I called because I can't connect to the internet on my phone line and you're going to hang on the phone while I dial up?"
Then it dawned on her what I was saying and she laughed and said, "What was I thinking?"
I'm guessing she was too busy thinking about the Mountain Lion that might have walked across my laptop....

I was watching an old Jeopardy rerun--still trying to see if I can catch a glimpse of Tim Case--and there was a white dude on the show with dreadlocks. Puhleeze, people. Dreads don't even look good on black people, let alone white boys.

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