Saturday, April 01, 2006

i couldn't escape the memory of a phone call and what you said

So I'm driving up to New York to see Alex perform. I'm ftpeeing this from a cafe, btw. I'll let you know how things go. I'm kinda upset though. I just im'ed Alex to find out what he was wearing so I could color coordinate with my mu mu and I found out he's wearing black leather
pants. Son of a bitch! I *had* my black leather mu mu in my hand, but I put it back.

I finally found a really decent tasting tea tree oil toothpaste. It's from J/Ã/S/Ö/N, a company that obviously doesn't value a short easy to print names. What makes this toothpaste better is that it contains a little cinnamon oil. If you've ever tasted tea tree oil toothpaste or mouthwash, you know it's strong and medicinal tasting, so the cinnamon oil leaves a really fresh taste in your mouth.

Oh, crap the Jehovah Witnesses are back. Knocking on my trailer door as we
speak....which is why I'm in the computer room typing and Holly is outside having conniption fits.
They left me alone for the longest time, now they're back. Before it was two chicks who used to preach to me, this
time it's an older dude in a long raincoat carrying a Bible. May I just say that if you're a Jehovah's Witness and going
trailer to house preaching, don't dress so creepy looking. This guy reminds me of the man from Stephen King's movie, the Tommyknockers.
I think that was the movie. Whatevah. Doesn't much matter since I'm not answering the door for HIM either.

Richard writes this about Sharon Stone's appearance on the Daily Show: "It looked
like Jon was scared that he was going to get beaten up without even getting any sex - either that or her implants got to him."

I read an article on MSN that says the brains of smart children are slower to
develop. Thank God! I was worried I was raising a bunch of stupid offspring. Now I realize their brains haven't developed yet.
That's my excuse for EVERYTHING now. "Sister, you can't blame him for having to repeat the fifth grade three times. His cortex hasn't thinned out yet." "Of course she knows you can't force a round peg in a square hole, even using a ball pean hammer. Back off! Her cortex is still thick!"

Jimmy D sends this:
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love
they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis,
skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up
just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and
you don't need special sneakers!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into
the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active
body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex
perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7 . Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to
wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay,
preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the
tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

No word on what getting punched in the back of one's head does for your sex life...

I'm disputing the validity of # 6 and here's why. The other day I had a quickie with Mr. G before work, remember?
And yet, when I got to work, not ONE of the women I work with came onto me!
And they forgot the MOST IMPORTANT sex tip of all--and this is true also--orgasms relieve cramps, which is why
I ALWAYS use my vibrator the first day of my period. I rarely get cramps now.

I thought, "Hmm, I wonder why Jimmy sent that to me?" and then I read THIS at the bottom:
"Now sex has been sent to you. The "Hot Sex Fairy" will visit you within four
days of receiving this message, provided you, in turn, send it on.

If you don't, then you will never receive good sex again for the rest of your
life. You will eventually become celibate, and your genitals will rot and fall off.
This is no joke! Send copies to people you think need sex (who doesn't?). Don't send
money, as the fate of your genitals has no price.

Do not keep this message. This message must leave your e-mail in .5 hours.
Please send ten copies and see what happens in four days."
He thinks I need sex? Sex with hott cops, perhaps. Nah, don't think that's it.
I think he sent it to me because he's terrified his balls will fall off!

Eric writes: "Goddess,
First of all, the ordinary people of Iran are not our enemies. If some
think they are, that's only because of their indoctrination. But even
then, most make the distinction between the American people and our
Second, I don't know whether the US will be the FIRST country providing
aid. I can tell you that other countries, including "enemies," often
offer aid when we have disasters, which our media rarely report. Of
course, sometimes our government refuses such aid, evidencing more
concern with image-making than helping the people it supposedly
While I acknowledge the vailidity of your statements, mine was borne out of sarcasm and frustration. It distresses me
that so much of our money--money that we don't even HAVE--is going to help countries who hate us,
for WHATEVER reason. And unfortunately, not unlike the U.S., aid money never gets to the people who really need it in foreign countries anyway. The people of Louisiana would love to see some of that money and homes, too, no doubt.

MSN is running an article about guys checking out other chicks while on a date. The article suggests
either living with it, breaking up with him or telling him how you feel. There's one OTHER way to deal with this
problem: fight staring with staring. Often times saying how you feel about things like this,
makes him defensive, and the man accuses you of nagging, being jealous or hello "bitching." That's always a good excuse.
So forget that bullshit.
I think it's far more of a memorable lesson to let someone know what their behavior FEELS like.
And I'm not saying you go crazy and piss him off, I'm just suggesting you mirror his own behavior back at him.
This is the same system you use when guys talk about chicks in adult vids and compare. You gotta compare him to the
guys and let him know he comes up a tad wanting. Some might see it as game playing, but I'm convinced some guys are
totally clueless as to how their staring and comparing make a woman feel.

"Deadly Quake Rocks Iran." Lemme guess.
The good old U.S. of A. will be the first ones in there with aid and relief to help 'em, giving
more money to our enemies and taking more money away from our own people.

"Celebrity Cooking Showdown"? This is the BEST NBC can come up with?!
Why the mere fact that Tom Arnold is included in the line-up tells me this will, no doubt, win
an excellence in programming award.

No comments: